Randomness and Other Stuff

That's Not Funny (Is It)?

2011-05-11T07:05:00.000-07:00

It's been a random year so far, and I've successfully sucked the fun out of that random goodness by neglecting to write about it. Today I decided since I probably already lost any semblance of an audience by not writing in this blog, this would give me the perfect chance to entertain myself by listing things that make me laugh. So here they are, in no specific order.

Things that only I Find Funny

1.Phrases that sound bitingly sarcastic but are not. For example, Anne of Greene Gables (I had two sisters so shut it) had a great experience and one of her friends cheerfully said "Why don't you write a book about it." The context of her facial expression suggested sincerity, but the words did not. See? I'm laughing my (rear) off right now and you don't know why.
2.Euphemisms that sound worse than just being crude and/or swearing. I won't give specific examples, this being a "safe for the whole family" blog (even though no one reads it as I stated above) but network TV excels at this. Uh, keep up the good work?
3.Charlton Heston movies. This might be a cheat, because I may not be the only one, but locally speaking (friends I encounter the most) I think I am. But for me, the Statue of Liberty scene in Planet of the Apes is up there with William Shatner's"Khaaaaaaan!"
4.Imagining rich people buying "golden" everything. This extends to the extreme image of prosthetic limbs. Hey, when employment is low and luxury car sales are up, nothing's too much of a stretch.
5.The third season of Arrested Development. What can I say? I'm a loyal fan to the end.
6.Sock puppets. I've used this image as a punchline a lot in my lifetime, and if you don't get why this is the funniest concept ever, well, I guess you're just not me.
7.Recent Simpsons episodes. I've seen a couple, or maybe a few, but they made me laugh. I guess that's me being a loyal fan again.
8.Referring to Back to the Future as "THE Trilogy." No, wait, that's not funny. It's just awesome. And accurate.
9. 2 Timothy 3:3 in the KJV. I don't care what it meant then, using the word "incontinent" to convey a lack of self control is priceless.
10. Writing in a blog no one reads. Yeah, that one was a cop out, but to make it funnier I'll ask a question that no one will answer. Because no one reads...yeah,you get the idea.

What are some things that crack you up?

On Books (of a Spiritual Nature)

2010-10-19T11:26:00.000-07:00

Not sure who's still reading these, but since this has always been more like a journal for me, I'll pretend not to care too much. But just in case there's still one or two of you, I'll clean up my language and try to keep the poop references to a minimum. All that aside, I've had a lot of thoughts on reading within the past couple of days, and many of them pertain to two books in particular. So, enjoy the ramblings of one trying to make sense of things, unless of course you're not reading this. In that case, as you were.

I read the Shack a couple of weeks ago, having heard good and bad about it, depending on whom I talked to. A lot of the bad was warranted (the author couldn't find an editor so it had a shaky start), and if you take this novel as doctrine, that criticism would be as well. But I enjoyed the storytelling with a dead-on perspective on forgiveness, and a God whom we'll never have all figured out. I didn't see universalism in it, as some claim, but I saw a human being challenged to step out of the judgement seat and forgive. This is powerful stuff.

The biggest problem with the depiction of God according to critics, if I understand it, is that He is shown in a form that's too human. That's funny, I thought, because that's what kept me from finishing Wild at Heart. The author of WAH was talking about men's insecurities while (gently, I guess) blaming them on women, and interjected at some point that God is always showing us that He has what it takes. Wait a minute, I said to myself(in my head because I'm crazy, but not THAT crazy) is he saying God is insecure and needs to prove himself? Does God gloat at the mighty oak and hope we don't notice asparagus? Or, if we do notice,does he mutter something to the effect of "size doesn't matter?" I guess what I'm asking is, do we think God is a man, insecurities and all?

This (perceived) limitation of God to human form (and half that, since humanity is made up of two genders)led me to do what I do best: criticize. So if others found good in it, and insisted it helped them to be better husbands, fathers, or men of God in general, I turned a deaf ear. As Jerry Springer would say, I had baggage.* In the meantime, God spoke through whatever means He chose and encouraged me to shut up and let Him talk.

I don't think I'll finish reading Wild at Heart, but if you do, and it encouraged you, God bless. But whatever we read, whether it be by Eldridge or Young, we should be challenged and encouraged by the good, while realizing the limitations of human authors trying to catch a glimpse of the divine. And whatever it is, we need to remember the only safe reading, regardless of the author, is done with discernment.

What do you think? As always, all opinions are welcome.
Where do you draw the line with reading selections? Are some books safer than others?

*If you don't get this game show reference, you are fortunate indeed.

Media and Marriage: Round 2

2010-10-01T09:33:00.000-07:00

In the last post I talked about marriage and how tough a subject it is to capture successfully on film. Many are comforted by the redemption in Fireproof, and I agreed that it has helped people regardless of whether I like it as art, especially since most attempts at brutal honesty put too much emphasis on the brutal part. Which movies are honest, yet show hope?

I'm expanding the list to include TV shows, as this question I can handle. I'll share a few of my favorite TV marriage counseling sessions as it were, and feel free to share yours as well. Here they are, in no particular order.

1. Breaking Bad. This is darker fare about a scientist who starts a meth lab to pay medical bills. He keeps it from his wife who naturally at first thinks he might be having an affair. Through the course of three seasons they have fought for power in their relationship, both come out fairly empty, and separated. At one point Walt (the main character) refused to move out or sign divorce papers and I began to question. Is...this...a...love...story?* Time will tell on that one, but the struggle for control is a real one and (so far) handled fairly effectively. I look forward to seeing how it turns out. Of course, it is a darker show, so maybe I don't.

2. Modern Family. I've heard many complaints that men in sitcoms are idiots. Well, sometimes we (men) are, and comedy is exaggeration. However, the old fashioned "guy screws up the world and apologizes" plot does get tired fast. That's what I like about Modern Family. Everyone screws up. The Dumpheys are one of my favorite couples to watch, because a lot of their mishaps(such as the husband saying the opposite of what his wife said about needing to lie to their children and proudly admitting it's because he wasn't listening) are relatable. Yet you have the sappy group hug moments in the end and somehow they work. Maybe it's because Phil says "Don't apologize (for crying). I love it when you're human." Played for laughs, but it works.

3. The Simpsons. Yes, the Simpsons. Again, it's comedy, and add to that satire and a cartoon. All flaws will be exaggerated, Homer's included. His just tend to get the most attention because he's the funniest. Marge is the characterization of the boring uptight nag, so I wonder why that hasn't got more complaints. Still, no matter how many screw-ups all these characters endure, these two stay together and actually seem to enjoy the ride, at least as much as two drawings can.

I'm out, but I'm sure there are more. What do you think? Did you like Fireproof? What did you enjoy about it? What TV show, movie or book has your favorite married couple?

* The "..." represent insecure pauses. Some of us hate being wrong, even when asking questions.

Movies and Marriage: Either Way, a Lot of Work

2010-09-25T14:13:00.000-07:00

It's no secret to most how I feel about Fireproof and other movies labeled Christian. In evangelical circles it's kind of hard to dislike something with that label, as I'm also not a fan of feeling guilty(about potentially quenching the Holy Spirit, among other sins), so I usually respond to positive reviews with a smile and some other non verbal(possibly muttered) response. That being said, the article below has a lot of good to say about it.

http://burnsidewriters.com/2010/09/20/fireproof/

I guess if I say you can find redemption in Dinner for Schmucks,I should agree you can find it in Fireproof. I stated my thoughts in a comment to the article acknowledging that I'm not the audience and movies like this can help those who are. Before I said that, I mentioned how few movies, secular included, successfully explore marriage. Revolutionary Road got close, but it became too brutal for me to call it honest. Honestly, there's hope.

Another commenter said Marley and Me and Up were two of the best movies about marriage, even though they weren't marketed as such. I haven't seen the former, but the latter proves my point.(Warning: the following may contain spoilers if you haven't seen Up.) Up is an excellent movie, and I hope I have opportunities to watch it at least a dozen more times. However, as anyone who sees the beginning can tell, it sort of takes the "easy way out" with the theme of marriage early on in the film. Call me cynical, but it's easier to love a memory of a person than love the actual person. That being said, it's realistic for the main character to remember what he does, focused as he is on sharing adventures. It's a fine film and captures what it does of marriage well. But what about the day-to-day fights over eyes that may or may not have rolled or whose job it is to clean the toilet? That film I've yet to see.

So I end with a question: what is the best movie you've seen that explores the theme of marriage? What makes it good/what do you like about it?

Those Funny Conservatives

2010-08-04T07:03:00.000-07:00

I should preface this by saying this isn't about politics. Well, it's in there, but more like a supporting character if anything. So before that vein pops out in your head, tell it to relax until it hears me out. Then it can do whatever it wants.

I've been thinking about politics a lot lately, since we came back to the US after living overseas a few years. Many older, conservative leaning friends are concerned we need to care more about politics, and if we don't, we must be liberal. I'm not quite sure how that works, but there it is. This being the case, I've been surfing cnn's (biased?) website and comparing to fox news'. One complaint from my friends was that the liberal media never covers the tea party. This being the case, stories like the one below caught my eye and steered my thoughts toward the real topic of this piece.

http://www.cnn.com/2010/POLITICS/08/04/tea.party.express.conference/index.html?hpt=T2

I'll say this first: I'm getting tired of hearing some one throw the "r" word around like a velcro nerf ball. Fox News got the label, and it seemed a bit of a stretch. Call them biased, since all media is. But you're stretching pretty far to call that bias hateful.

That being said, the "satire" mentioned in the article is hateful. It reminds me of a joke conservatives told me with the gist of the punchline including everyone with an accent or non Western last name being a terrorist. This was punctuated with "We're not racist." Maybe not, but the joke is. And this leads me to believe (WARNING,watch for the vein now)conservatives just aren't that funny.

Mind you, I have conservative friends who have great senses of humor and crack me up daily. I am also aware that Kelsey Grammer either is a conservative or just played one in a movie, and he's funny in that full-of-himself-Sideshow-Bob kind of way. However, when the humor turns political and tries to make a point, the gloves come off revealing some ugly, ugly fingers. Generalities are common in humor, but jokes like the ones I mentioned reveal a complete lack of common sense.

Friends will mention the Jon Stewarts out there who generalize the right. That's true, and as I realize it breaks the "don't make fun of a group you're not a part of" rule, I'm finding those jokes less funny than I used to. But this is still a far cry from attacking a group based on names or skin color. Many of these people have to put up with far too much crap as it is, regardless of their beliefs or actions, and B.S. like this doesn't help.

I'm not saying the Tea Partiers need to go to Comedy College. On the contrary, I hope members who make jokes like this continue to do so and as a consequence get disassociated from the rest of the group. Jokes like this reveal a soul I had previously thought only existed in cartoon villains. Only I believe real people can learn if their issues aren't ignored and they suffer the consequences of their actions. Kick them out of the group, because there are a few things I can't stand, and a bad sense of humor is two of them.

Taking a Break

2010-04-19T05:10:00.000-07:00

While I enjoy the irony of using a blog to say it, this seems the best way to communicate the following: I'm taking a hiatus from blogging. I'm doing this for several reasons and here's two of them.

1. I have nothing to say. It's a harsh self-judgment, but lately listening has worked much better for me. I'm leaving up the blog and the list of blogs I'm following. Check them out for some good reads. I especially enjoy Britt's blog (Drunken Mystic), Stuff Christians Like and the Church of No People. They have a great way of communicating ideas better than I ever could.

2. I care too much. I don't worry too much about comments on Facebook or Twitter, but blogs for some reason feed a concern for validation that is unnecessary. I'll be in touch using Facebook or Twitter (reeseseater), so check it out if you wish. Either way, I wish you all the best. God bless.

Pulling Punches

2010-04-14T21:20:00.000-07:00

A while back an AV club fan asked the writers which Onion headline sums up their respective lives. After a thorough search, I may have found mine.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/the-common-man,17221/#3

Maybe I should subtitle this "why I'm a pacifist".

The Problem with Trust

2010-04-12T04:33:00.000-07:00

BBC recently began exploring education in other parts of the world, prefacing it with pointing out how those countries' programs are kicking the crap out of ours. They might have said "dookie," or something of that nature, but don't quote me on that last part since I most likely made it up. However you put it, something works better in these countries.

Today I read about South Korea, which isn't surprising because many of the youth are in school more than anywhere else. I don't think they mentioned shipping children abroad to study or high suicide rates, because that might harsh the buzz a bit. I may be biased from having lived here a while, but it seems the cost of that much schooling is too high.

Earlier we saw a story on TV about the education system in Finland. A news story asked why Finnish students get better results. They interviewed teachers and administrators then summed it up in one word-trust. The government doesn't get in the way, and pretty much lets the educators do their jobs. In return, the administrators trust their teachers to, well, teach. It's a novel idea, and for some reason it works. Trust. What a concept.

The libertarians are probably cheering right now, and I wish I could join you guys, but the problem is trust is only as good as the people you put it in. I know it's ridiculous, but I picture American educators given freedom and using it to give themselves lavish raises so they can rent limos. It sounds ridiculous, but how many administrators, given knowledge of bullying, actually put an end to it? There may be many, but I don't hear about that. There are enough who don't act to make it a problem, so my internal tug-of-war continues. I want to trust, but sometimes there are reasons not to.

On the one hand, we have a great system somewhere else that works. On the other hand, we have Wall Street greed and butt-covering educators in leadership positions who are allergic to the truth. Trusting them would be foolish. In the end, I'm glad I don't have to, no matter where these questions lead. In the end, my trust is in the Greater. And as Steve Martin said in the Jerk, "That's all I need." And an end to cat juggling. And a new limo.

Spring Break's Least Memorable Moments

2010-04-10T01:50:00.000-07:00

Being that it was spring break and our first of three wedding anniversaries my wife and I decided to go to Seoul for a few days.Since we live in Korea,it's hardly worth mentioning, much less writing a travelblog about, so I won't. Instead, I'm listing the least memorable moments from a very enjoyable but mostly unremarkable vacation. Drink some coffee/Red Bull/(insert name of other caffeignated beverage here) and enjo...endure.

1. Day 1, we took a subway to our hotel, checked into our room and met a friend for dinner after settling on Middle Eastern food. Sure, you've had hummus, but not authentic Seoul hummus. Mmmm.

2. On day 2, we went to the Coex Mall and saw a movie. We picked from a variety of posters we knew little about, and settled on one called When in Rome. The ticket seller took a while to identify with that title and decided to call it Rome Whatever. We later found out this was an apt review from someone who probably didn't see it. He didn't need to.

3. We searched every Starbucks in Seoul for certain mugs in vain. Hey, the journey was fun, but without a picture we can't share yet because we didn't get the chance to upload it we've got nothing.

4. We took some time to enjoy good coffee and better reads. Again, fun for us, but not woth blogging about. Heck, I'm struggling to keep my eyes open as I

Humor: An Alien Concept

2010-04-06T03:34:00.000-07:00

I searched the headlines tirelessly for this year's April Fool's joke gone bad. And, better late than never, here it is. Enjoy the irony.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/8604122.stm

New Look

2010-04-04T20:46:00.000-07:00

I got bored with the old look. Let me know what you think.

I Usually Don't Care Much for Politics, but...

2010-04-02T06:59:00.000-07:00

Well, can we get it some floaties or something?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsFsn8ekyhw

Taxicab Conversations

2010-03-26T22:39:00.001-07:00

I've had a lot of unusual conversations since I moved to Korea and many of them have been in taxis. The fact that the stand-out conversation was with a guy who spoke flawless English because he came from the US should be telling. If that conversation was the weird one, what's normal?

One stand out "normal" conversation occurred when I returned from my Christmas break a few years ago, before I met my wife. It was December 31, and I arrived at the airport after the last bus had left. I took a taxi, and the driver listened intently to the radio which counted down to midnight. "In one minute," he explained, "Happy New Year." We counted down as he drove,and soon he turned to me and said "Happy New Year." I said it back, and hoped he didn't know about the tradition of kissing after the countdown. Thankfully, he either didn't know or pretended not to.

I thought of these conversations as I recently had another to add to the list. I was up early on a Saturday which either is a sin listed in the Bible or should be. I took a taxi, named my location, and we were on our way. The driver had a television which showed the news. As I tried to piece together what little Korean I knew to make sense, he helped with "Did you hear the breaking news?"

"No," I replied.

He nodded and continued to drive.

I continued to watch, but I read and hear Korean too slow and only saw boats in the ocean. The news switched to the weather, and curiosity got the better of me.

"What happened?" I asked.
"Last night, Korea, big problem."
I waited, but that was it. He watched the weather and continued on.
I waited as the news anchor came back, then the boats again. I ventured a guess.

"North Korea?"
"No," he shook his head. "Maybe."

Maybe?

I smiled and called it a day as far as my interview was concerned. I'd find out later.

Thanks to BBC news I later found out an explosion caused a South Korean boat to sink. Who or what caused the explosion remains to be seen. Hence the "No, maybe."

All this to say, when we get to the US, I have got to find a Korea town.

Revenge What?

2010-03-22T05:26:00.000-07:00

The use of the word porn as a pejorative is understandable, due to its nature,which leads into the recent and gradual trend of giving the label to pretty much anything. Romantic comedies and vampire movies are emotional porn (not that I disagree, but others have spoken better on this subject). Closeups of food related carnage earned the label as well. Who knows? Maybe the first, wordy sentence of this post will earn the label of "redundant sentence porn". If so, I'm denying all credibility of such nasty and unfounded falsehoods in advance. Well I never.

All this to say, I've avoided revenge porn like the plague. It's popular, and usually involves watching horrible people get what they deserve. It's just what feeds a person with anger issues and therefore needs to be avoided by such a person like the plague. Somewhere between Punisher and Man on Fire I got the point. Redemption was scarce or absent, leaving me with no hope but to forget about it. Punisher? No problem. Denzel's movie? Not so easy. He's just that good.

Recently I rewatched Memento and remembered what makes it so good, beyond the suspense and subtle dark humor. It's a story (SPOILER! DANGER!) about making a case for revenge, even when the only person left to blame may be yourself. It's good for people like me to ponder.

I also watched Tarentino's latest flick which can only be described as the ultimate revenge porn. On a human level, who doesn't want to watch Nazis get what they deserve? This is exactly why I tried to avoid it until I heard a fun fact--the director notes the irony. The title would be a hint, but beyond that the setting of the final battle is a bloody propoganda film. Not my observation, by the way. I read it in a review. I wish I was that smart, but no.

Several times the director causes the viewer to laugh at the pain of cruel men and then say "Shame on you." And I laugh harder, because it reminds me that this is just a movie. And real life people like me, we don't thrive on revenge, because that's not how it works. Maybe for fictional heroes and villains, but not for us. We've got better things to do. After the movie, of course.

...and more funniness

2010-03-12T01:56:00.000-08:00

More Funniness

2010-03-11T22:00:00.000-08:00

Yikes.

Reality Check and Music Review

2010-03-08T22:31:00.001-08:00

Haven't written about much non-fictional lately, (unless you count reality TV, which I don't) so I'm writing a list of stuff I actually did lately to make me feel better. Cause that's what matters, me feeling better.

1. I started reading a lot of books about education, and recently a book and material about ESL. I still give others/myself a hard time when they say I'm going to study ESL ("Study 'teaching ESL!'" I speak English good), but the truth is I love it, and God's used some good books to reinforce its value. I might have to work on my bar tending skills while I save up some cash for my classes, but whatever it takes, it's nice to know it's toward something worthwhile. Unless I start to like bar tending, which is possible. Or Barnes and Noble. Or whatever.

2. I had a student get so loud he set off his own hearing aid. He hollered, it rang, then he said "Oh" and adjusted it accordingly. He settled down a bit after that.

3. I bought fair trade coffee again. It's expensive even for fair trade, but isn't showing everyone at the cashier counter you're a good person worth it? I think so.

4. I realized I'm a bad, bad man. Those of you who know me well may think I'm being sarcastic, but behind this calm exterior lies a boiling pot of rage. I made it a goal to never yell, which I usually do quite well with. But the result is like that movie character who congratulates himself for walking into a bar, fighting, and not drinking anything. Sure, he didn't get drunk, but that wasn't the problem. That's me and cynicism. Or verbal knives in any shape and form. But I don't yell.

However it reveals itself, my default emotion is anger. I admitted it's a problem and made apologies where necessary. That may be skipping a few steps here and there, but oh well. I'm not sure I'll ever know what that verse about calling someone fool and being in danger of hellfire really means, but I know angry words have hurt a hell of a lot of people and that at least is motivation enough. It'll stop.

5. I had a great weekend going on a series of dates with my wife. We need to do this more often. Married couples out there, do this more often. If you don't, bad things will happen. Or you'll get bored, which is actually one of those bad things. Enjoy (your beverage of choice) together.

6. I also met up with good, like minded friends around that time. I feel clique-ish saying words like like-minded, but in the midst of diverse friendships I do enjoy having friends who understand what I'm talking about. Thanks, friends.

7. We're packing up boxes and thinking about reverse culture shock. US, please be kind.

8. I made something delicious using mushrooms, rice, cut up garlic and butter. Yes, I'm bragging. It was good.

9. I got a couple of CDs after I thought of how much I enjoyed select songs from them. Marvin Gaye's What's Going On was definitely worth more than just the title song. A few of the songs in places blended together like one long song, which made for a good effect in driving home his themes. It sounds good without being shallow or gimmicky. This is pop I can listen to.

I also got a greatest hits CD of David Bowie from the late 70s, or pre-Labyrinth era. I could still hear the Goblin King in some of the songs growing up in the 80s, but the original version of "Heroes" was worth it. I've talked about how that defines a lot of my feelings this year in a previous post, so I won't blabber about it now. But it's still reminding me of a lot of good things, and that's needed as ever.

Are Bowie's other songs worth it? "Golden Years" is still fun, as are a few others, like "Fame" (if you listen to it every once and a while) but dated numbers like 1984 (Disco? Worse. Wannabe disco. Yikes) make one cringe if one isn't a disco-loving cartoon character. Or maybe especially if one is. One of those.

Whatever the case, my wife and I are following Him towards a gradual goal and the rest is just soundtrack.

The Oscar Grouch

2010-03-07T22:35:00.000-08:00

The Academy Awards usually make me cranky or at least disappointed, but this time while some of their nominations seemed insanely weak, the winners make sense. I haven't seen the Hurt Locker, but I know it has its reputation for a reason and look forward to seeing it. I think Up should have won because Pixar movies (with one or two exceptions) are that good, but the US hasn't reached that level of security yet. Yes, in the age of Simpsons people still see cartoons as kids stuff. Still, a nomination says a lot; this is a great victory for animated rights. Maybe in a decade or so we'll see Buzz Lightyear stepping up to recieve a big kids award. Or even get invited. Baby steps, though. (poignant pause) Baby steps.

Actually, I want to see most of the movies on the list,The Blind Side included. Stupid work. Why do you have to be so important?

Fun with Plagerism

2010-03-01T19:19:00.000-08:00

Shame on you, James Cameron. So, does Disney's Pocahontas win a retro Oscar? Is there no justice?

http://failblog.org/2010/01/10/avatar-plot-fail/

Fiction Rocks (When the Songs Aren't Crappy)

2010-02-27T04:48:00.000-08:00

I may be biased, not being the biggest fan of reality television or CD deals produced by them, but I think I have good reason to say the following--Glee is better than American Idol. Glee is funny most of the time, and consistently so, and actually tries to develop its characters as it goes. AI has a snarky British guy and people chanting near gibberish not unlike crazy people I've heard on the subway. Sure, Glee picked some crappy pop music almost half the time, but they do a great job with the classics and incite a laugh or two. Which brings me to the tie breaker.

Glee had a rendition of "Gold Digger", a song I never would have sought out on my own, that turned out to be entertaining. Dang it, I have it stuck in my head now. And it still makes me smile and almost think I can rap. Of course I can't, but let me dream.

American Idol forced people to watch as a young man butchered "American Woman" by making it sound even less like rock and or roll (as Rev Lovejoy from the Simpons would say) than Lenny Kravitz did. And that takes a lot of butchering.

Humming and trying to rap vs. ruined classic. Point: Glee. Victory: Glee.

Note: This may sound pretty shallow, talking about TV shows. But I've given the concept of music and singing a lot of thought lately, and there's an element of honesty and/or fun to a well-done song that either makes one love or hate it. I just haven't sensed that element in any reality show I've seen. Maybe it's the cynic in me, but the contestants seem more concerned with winning than enjoying themselves. Not to say acting is any different, but at least then there's a story to enjoy.

Of course this is 100% opinion. What makes music enjoyable?

Darwin's Manners

2010-02-03T22:52:00.000-08:00

It's the end of the school day and I'm watching my assigned bus to make sure no one kills each other or eats on the bus. One student, to avoid doing the latter,eats oranges outside the bus. I remind her that the peels would have to come home with her before being thrown out, since once you're on the bus bla bla bla. She grins and looks around the playground with upraised arm, stops at my urging and then looks around for good hiding places on the bus.I encourage with a "Don't even think about it". The student responds by silently returning to her seat and placing the peels in an older student's hand. I see this, and the following exchange occurs.

Me: You're too nice.
Older student: Is that a bad thing?
(Crickets)
Me: I don't think I want to answer that.

Part of me says yes, it can be. Yet another part tells the former part to shut up because it doesn't know what it's talking about. Yes, both parts are mean,or at least one is open to meanness and I realize that may not be a good thing. In my defense, I'm from New York.

However it's said, I think people like the older student may be stronger than we give them credit for. Some may see kindness as weakness, but I'm not so sure. And if you disagree,you can shut up. Sorry. New York.

Music Theory

2010-01-28T18:39:00.000-08:00

So, I posted a musical-type theory on my twitter account. My theory is that bands with food names correlate somehow with their namesakes. I use Cranberries (acquired taste) and Meatloaf (comfort food but easy to get sick of)as examples. Any comments or (constructive) criticisms are welcome.

Just a Haircut

2010-01-26T00:17:00.000-08:00

So I missed this story when it was recent, but I feel it's still quite relevant and worth sharing.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/in_depth/8221933.stm

I love how it says she fell short of her goal but still considered it a success. I could see the conversation now.

Random observer (RO): You missed it by a couple of inches.
Kung fu lady(KL):I pulled a vehicle with my hair.
RO: Good point.

Also worth noting: she credits the strength of her hair. But I could have sworn it was the braids.

Random Reads

2010-01-23T04:50:00.000-08:00

I've been reading a lot lately, and while I can't fully recommend all of them, I enjoyed them and wanted to share some of the highlights. So here goes:

1. The Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoffer. Okay, I can fully recommend this one. One of my favorite parts involves people trying to ask Jesus theological questions and Him in response taking them back to obedience. Good stuff.

2. The Dante Club. A murder mystery based on Longfellow's translation of Dante's Divine Comedy, it was a mixture of grisly murder, mystery, and tons of literary factoids. For example, Dante's poem was only called a comedy because the ending is in Paradise, so it's therefore not a tragedy. As one who loses sight of the ending, this fact resonated with me.

3. Angry Conversations with God. I can recommend this entire book as well. It's funny, but it also has some great points to it. The author is dissatisfied with her marriage to God (being part of the bride of Christ) so she takes Him to marriage counseling. But whose fault are the problems in question? And is that really God she's representing? And doesn't the word "Abba" remind everyone of Dancing Queen?

4. The Amazing Adventures of Kavelier and Klay. This novel explores a world in which comic book writers live messed-up lives. It's funny in places, but there's a lot of sadness to a story about people who invent characters to do what they cannot. It's a reminder of the limits of heroism on human terms, and for that honesty I enjoyed it.

5. Welcome to the Monkeyhouse. Kurt Vonnegut may not be known especially for his short stories, but many of the ones in this collection are excellent. I enjoyed all of his sci-fi stories, especially "Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow", a story about an overcrowded world in which no one dies from old age. In this world, prison becomes a matter of perspective. Another memorable story is "All the King's Horses", in which a prisoner of war must play a real life game of chess and learn to truly sacrifice.

More is on its way I'm sure, but it may slow down as the holidays are over and I'm actually doing stuff. Time will tell.

Fun with Crappy Equipment

2010-01-20T22:46:00.000-08:00

I wonder if the same is true of my old washer (may it, you know).

http://www.theonion.com/content/from_print/old_dryer_abandoned_by_train?utm_source=onion_rss_daily

Book Review: A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

2010-01-12T22:44:00.000-08:00

I read a lot of books over the break, but none affected me the way this one did. As I read a story about what makes a story/life interesting, I imagined a book about me sitting around in a heated room during winter reading a Donald Miller book. Thanks very much, Mr. Miller, I'm officially depressed.

As a reader and writer, this book spoke my language. If you never wondered what would happen if you broke your everyday routine one day, or you don't frequently ask "what if" and wonder about how tollbooth operators go to the bathroom, or you don't ask "what if I broke my everyday routine to find out how tollbooth operators go to the bathroom" this might not be the book for you. Or simply put, it compares people to characters in a story and gives this idea merit. If you don't think of life in terms of narrative, something like The Cost of Discipleship might be more up your alley. Also a good book, and similar points overall, but a very different approach.

Steve Taylor (yes, it's spelled correctly and therefore a different guy than the lead singer from Aerosmith with the cavernous mouth)and some former stoner (also not Steve Tyler) approached Mr. Miller about making Blue Like Jazz into a movie. The only issue was, they needed a story. The fact that his life would make a boring story causes the author to re examine his life and attempt to edit it. In short, he wants his life to tell a better story.

This is like Bonhoffer's book in that whether he says it or not, Don Miller is talking about obedience. If you set aside your stuff for a moment and follow Christ, your life will not be boring. So though he doesn't use those words specifically, he's talking about being a disciple of Christ.

A Million Miles also earns bonus points for reminding me of an excellent book I read a few years back entitled Man's Search for Meaning. If you ever read Night and got depressed, read Man's Search for Meaning. Victor Frankl is one of my heroes for even trying to give hope in the direst of situations. And every time I get soup from a pot I randomly hope I'll get soup from the bottom. It has yet to become a problem, but you never know.

In the end, all three books and authors refuse to settle for less. And that's definitely worth a recommend.

For all the Twits Out There

2010-01-02T03:28:00.000-08:00

If you have a twitter account, or are willing to whittle away more seconds of your time online I recently joined the club.

http://twitter.com/reeseseater

If I can't possibly get random-er, this should do the trick.

Happy Holidays

2009-12-22T22:55:00.000-08:00

I give the gift of laughter. Well, that and old Onion articles. Enjoy.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/real_life_grinch_celebrates?utm_source=onion_rss_daily

Travelblog III

2009-12-02T20:27:00.000-08:00

Day 3

We got an early start, ate some breakfast, and prepared to bring food to the gym again. The kids in particular seemed glad to have us return, and proceeded to climb over us. Match and Max were gaining popularity, but Matt was nowhere to be found.

We went back, ate lunch, and prepared for that afternoon and evening. We would share a devotional at the children's home that evening, and a Bible lesson the next morning at a school nearby. We pooled our resources, assigned parts, and prepared lessons. The Bible study and feeding proceeded in the afternoon,and it along with the evening devotional went smoothly. Romans 16:19 served as a popular one, as everywhere we went children were singing it.

After the evening devotional at the children's home we each chose a child to read a story to. The young man who chose me also negotiated three stories. He did most of the reading and agreed to let me explain. After reading the Christmas story, he refused to close it until I read the "Note to Parents" on the last page. After that, he was satisfied and we were able to move on.

The stories were finished, so we went back to our current place of residence and practiced being spies and Cananites, respectively. The part of fruit would graciously be played by actual fruit.

Days 4 and 5
The skit, songs and lesson went well. Myself and another teacher got to be giants, which entailed students from the local school riding on our shoulders. From the reactions, they must have looked scary. Helmets fell, but no kids, and that's always a plus.

That afternoon we brought more than just food. We had learned the lack of Bibles in tagalog, so we arranged to purchase one per family. I can't recall ever seeing Bibles received so well. It being the last day, everyone wanted us to sign in addition to our message in the front. We also had tracts with the Gospel in tagalog in the Bibles to use as bookmarks. We hugged on kids, sang, let them wrestle us and heard our names (or something close) chanted one last time. We left, promising to pray for them.

The devotional that evening went well. Two of our students shared, and story time gave way to movie night. As the movie played, we went to a mall to buy some snacks some of us forgot existed. After that, we went home and rested.

Saturday we ate breakfast, then went to visit the children's home one last time. We played ball games, and I got claimed by two young ladies who tried to teach me marbles. It didn't take, so we took turns between the swings and the monkey bars. At one point Beka and I each had a child and proceeded to race them. Fortunately,I had the sneaky one who learned she could go faster if she let go of the bars. After that, we said our goodbyes, finished packing, and returned to the airport.

Travelblog II

2009-11-30T20:49:00.000-08:00

Day 2

Having arrived around 1:00 that morning, we were allowed to oversleep a bit. We had breakfast, then carried two large containers of food to take to a gym housing roughly 168 families. Their houses in a squatter village were still unlivable due to flooding from the three typhoons that hit a while back. We drove in two vehicles, arrived, and following the directions of the ministry worker we came with, set to work.

The line moved in an orderly fashion. Later on in the week it would take more effort to keep order, but it did get warmer each day and I'm sure that counts as a good reason. The children ate first, then introductions were made and tall visitors were climbed on by kids. Fun was had by all.

I encountered a first on this trip--kids having trouble saying "Matt." On our first visit, a couple of failed attempts deemed me as the unpopular one as I trudged to the corner alone while youths chanted easier names. Later in the week I surrendered to a name change. I was "Match" or "Max," depending on the speaker. Both guys were a lot of fun, but Matt is a bit of a downer, I'm afraid.

We went back to the ministry building, ate lunch, and planned a Bible study for later in the afternoon. A few hours later, we returned to the gym, split into two groups, and had two lessons for the young children and adults, respectively. The younger group had translation, as it was needed, but those of us with the adults settled on an ESL-friendly gospel message. Our Bible teacher gave the message, and the listeners were intent. After the message, we served the second meal of the day, then played and visited some more. We made it back at a reasonable hour, and made it a point to get plenty of rest. We had a full day ahead of us.

Yet another Travelblog

2009-11-29T03:38:00.000-08:00

In case some are unaware, my wife and I joined a group of teachers and students going to the Phillipines over Thanksgiving break. Those who know me know my love of travel is almost equal to my love of yammering about it, so here goes. Day 1.

We arrived at the bus station on time. We also arrived at the airport on time. We got to the necessary desk, and...there was a problem. Two of our students were under fifteen and had the necessary paperwork. Unfortunately in the world of travel, today's necessary is tomorrow's unacceptable. If the parents weren't with us, they couldn't go.

We pleaded, paced nervously a little, then gathered as a group and prayed. This was it. we were going, or sending these three students home. We hoped for the former.

Shortly after the prayer, we got a call from one of our staff members. There was a possible way. It took a while, so those who were able crossed over and waited as we gobbled down overpriced sandwiches. At that point, we had about a half hour to go before boarding.

The flight was delayed by a few minutes and the remainder of the group joined us in time. The flight was four hours long and uneventful.

We heard a whistle while we waited outside the airport in Manila. One of the three dropped and said "I'm fifteen!" Thankfully, the whistling was unrelated.

By 2:00 in the a.m., we were in the Philippines, trying our best to sleep.

Happy Whatever

2009-11-10T03:07:00.000-08:00

I have those days when I realize I've lived here too long. The other day, a co worker came in wearing a flower for, as he put it, "Remembrance Day." Of course, he added, that's what they call it in Canada. In the US it's called Veteran's Day.

I offered my trademark blank stare.

Was it today? someone asked. No, he replied. November eleventh.

"Oh!" My eyes lit with recognition. "Peppero Day!"

Because you can't compete with edible pencils.

Think Fast (or just break it)

2009-11-07T21:20:00.000-08:00

So, usually I don't eat breakfast, except for on the weekends. This Sunday, we overslept a bit and the fast lasted another day. Big mistake. I began to notice as we headed to church.

After church we usually enjoy doughnuts that are graciously provided. They were foremost on my mind as we stood to sing and I noticed a varity of doughnuts singing around me. I'm sure it didn't help that I was drinking coffee to trick my stomach.

I gotta go eat something.

Gifts and Curses

2009-10-31T01:50:00.000-07:00

I just watched Drag Me to Hell, and I was surprised to learn a valuable lesson. Never deny a loan to a creepy gypsy woman. You'll regret it. And don't play "button,button, who's got the button" either. Just so you know.

Fun with Cable News

2009-10-30T04:14:00.000-07:00

More Student Quotes

2009-10-29T01:46:00.000-07:00

So, I'm giving my middle schoolers basic information about an upcoming assignment, then I say more information is to be announced. After the last three words, I add, "TBA".

"What's TBA?"

Cut to my ESL class with a sixth grader. I throw out a question on a test because I realized we didn't cover the rule for it in class. She already answered it right, and argues she should get extra credit.

"I can't give you extra credit. You guessed."

"I didn't guess!" she insists. "I use context!"

She got extra credit for "context". We English teachers like words like that.

God Hates Figs

2009-10-28T00:53:00.000-07:00

Yeah, you heard me.

http://godhatesfigs.net/

Kingpins Gone Wild

2009-10-23T15:47:00.000-07:00

Depending on your sensibilities, the article posted below will make you laugh or cry. The comments are funny/insightful (respectively) as well. I wish I had an action movie quote to add, but it just isn't happening. Enjoy.

http://burnsidewriters.com/2009/10/22/breaking-news-wild-at-heart-inspiration-for-drug-kingpins/

"New" Music

2009-10-18T21:51:00.000-07:00

The snob in me may be slowly dying, but he's still glad the quotation marks fit better over new than music. He holds his nose up high, mutters some cliche about quality over quantity and moves on. Moving on...

I got three new CDs over the weekend and promptly added them to my iPod. I'm still pondering them, but I'm enjoying them quite a bit. So for a few brief recommends, here goes:

1.Modern Guilt,Beck. It's a cross between Beck's latest two, sound wise, and the lyrics are more accessible than usual. The title song's sound is weird enough yet catchy in that Beck sort of way to keep me listening to the words. Modern guilt is shown as feeling bad when you don't know what you did. Makes for great conversation. After all, I'm not that bad of a person, am I? I mean, I know why everyone else should feel guilty, but I'm okay.

2. Wait for Me, Moby. Initially, I was a bit disappointed. Moby's latest isn't super-catchy in the "I can't sit still" vein of some of my favorites. Actually, many of the songs are not only low-key but also instrumental. So much for my work-out mix. What to do with my head band, I have no idea.

The longer I listened, the more I "got" it. It's supposed to be low key, a sort of straightforward un-newagey Enigma. And it has the intriguing mixes of choirs and spirituals with an occasional beat. It's moodier and less upbeat, but I like it. If you take it for what it is, it works.

3. The Resistance, Muse. If Queen and Radiohead had a baby and he/she drank a Red Bull then fell down a flight of stairs, you might have something that sounds like Muse. I like having an album for comic relief that's still admirably well-made, and Muse has that. The one I'd share with friends is still Black Holes and Revelations, as The Resistance is an acquired taste. However, if I really need some time off from work, playing this album a lot could make a decent plan B. If that doesn't work, Plan C, or "Operation: Sing Along" should do the trick.

Snobs Anonymous

2009-10-13T01:01:00.000-07:00

Hi, I'm Matt and...I'm a snob. (pause for responsive greeting)

I realize this every time I get offended by a movie not just for sucking, but for the potentiality of suckage. I may get excited about a premise, then scan a review preferably without spoilers. Suddenly, I won't want to see that movie anymore.

I like movies that are entertaining, well-made and intellectually challenging. Most people I know like movies with explosions and/or poo throwing humor. And guess what's most common in the theaters where I live.

There is no shortage of opportunities to be gracious with others, and this may be one of the silliest, but it exists. I may have standards, but are they worth becoming Standards? If I'm serving a what over a who, I need to take some steps back. Besides, entertainment, (gulps) well, (sighs) isn't everything.

I said it. Happy?

P.S. Don't get me started on the soundtracks.

Movies I Want To See

2009-10-10T16:00:00.000-07:00

Was there a real-life Spinal Tap? This question and more could be answered, if I ever find this DVD.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FF4H8lB2Y_o

On Antiques, Roads and Shows

2009-10-07T23:48:00.001-07:00

Thought I'd share something I found on McSweeney's. So, this is the future. Hmmm.

SELECTED
TRANSCRIPTS FROM
ANTIQUES ROADSHOW 2025.
BY CRAIG KLEIN

- - - -

(An elderly woman stands next to an old refrigerator.)

APPRAISER: What can you tell me about this refrigerator you have brought?

WOMAN: Well, I acquired this back in 1993. It was in an old warehouse that was being torn down across the street from where I was living at the time, so I took it. I've had it just as something to look at and store junk in ever since. I really have no idea of the value.

APPRAISER: I see. This is a W-Series Frigidaire from 1930. It's from a time when refrigerators were still transitioning from older iceboxes. As you can see, the hardware, hinges and lock mechanism are very large, resembling the iceboxes in style. The cabinet is a beautiful white porcelain, which is set off by the curving scrollwork of the hinges. As far as value is concerned, unfortunately there were quite a few of these made, and they are rather large and cumbersome. It's really not worth much more than the scrap metal.

WOMAN: (disappointed) Oh, I see.

APPRAISER: Fortunately for you, though, you still have this original corrugated cardboard box that contained the fridge when it was shipped from the factory. These are almost never found.

WOMAN: The fridge was in it when I nabbed it, and I just kept it in a corner all these years.

APPRAISER: It's great that you did! The box alone is worth much more that the refrigerator. It can be used for shelter from the cold and wind since all of the structures were destroyed in the Cash for Clunkers riots. Together with a tarpaulin, it can be made waterproof for the rain and snow. And even though it isn't ideal protection from the firestorms, this is indeed quite a find!

WOMAN: (very excited) Oh...thank you! Oh, my...wait until my husband hears about this!

APPRAISER: If only the refrigerator were large enough to crawl in, you would be very lucky indeed.

(Banner Reads: "Cardboard Shipping Box, ca. 1930s. Shelter.")

- - - -
(A middle-aged man sits across from the appraiser. On the table before them is an old book on a stand.)

APPRAISER: Tell me about your book.

MAN: This is a first printing of The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain, published in 1883. My great-great-great-grandfather purchased it when he was a kid, just after the book came out. It's been in the family ever since.

APPRAISER: It is in exquisite condition, and has an interesting story associated with it. (Opens the book to the title page). Tell us about this signature here.

MAN: Well, so the family legend goes, my great-great-great-grandfather was reading this book while eating chocolate pudding. So he got some pudding on his thumb, which he accidentally smudged on the book, where it left that thumbprint you see there. So, a few weeks later, Mr. Twain was in town to promote the book, and my ancestor went to see him. After the show, he got Twain's autograph, plus that sketch there.

APPRAISER: And here he used the smudge as the head of a little stick character, and he writes, "To Master Wilson, you Pudd'nhead. Mark Twain." This is an extraordinary piece of historic literature. Not only, it is a first-edition Huck Finn, but it showcases a very personal moment with the author in which the humor he is known for is on display. And also, it might just be the exact moment where Twain comes up with his idea for his later work, Pudd'nhead Wilson, published in 1893, in which a very early use of fingerprinting is used to solve a crime. It's absolutely extraordinary. Do you have any guess as to what it might be worth?

MAN: No idea.

APPRAISER: Well, conservatively speaking, this piece could be lit on fire and used to heat a whole meal, or an average sized room—that is, if it's roofed.

MAN: (with a quiet, pleased contentment) Really! Do you think it could heat up the area of an alley surrounding a steel barrel?

APPRAISER: Yes, but probably not for very long.

(Banner reads: "First Edition Book, 1883. Heat.")

- - - -

(A young woman sits across a table from the appraiser. On the carpeted tabletop is a rotating platform holding a Greek-style vase.)

APPRAISER: Tell me how you acquired this piece.

WOMAN: I was working at a rummage sale a few years ago, and I found it in one of the boxes that someone had donated. Paid five dollars for it.

APPRAISER: I see. What do you know about this vase?

WOMAN: Well, I think it's Greek, and the pictures around the sides kind of tell a story.

APPRAISER: Well, yes, it is Greek; it's called a Loutrophoros, which means "carrier of wash water." It was used in ceremonies. Often they would have scenes of wedding processions, but this one is a bit different. It depicts one of Aesop's fables, "The Crow and the Pitcher." If we start here, we see a crow standing next to a likeness of this same water vessel. It is thirsty and trying to get a drink of the water inside, but the pitcher is too narrow. The next picture shows the crow dropping objects into the pitcher from a nearby box. It appears that it is using small coins and gems. I'm not sure what the reason for that is. In the traditional fable pebbles are used.

WOMAN: Very strange.

APPRAISER: In the last frame the water level has risen high enough so that the crow can get a lifesaving drink with its beak.

WOMAN: Interesting.

APPRAISER: I would date it as being made sometime between 500 and 200 B.C. The artwork is stunning, both the glazing and the clay-work. The condition is superb. As to the value—I have discussed it with a few other appraisers, and we think that, in this market, it's suited perfectly for repelling the zombies. The long neck is an ideal handle, and the bottom can be struck against a solid object to smash it. This would create a very irregular and sharp surface, given the density and cleaving properties of the clay. It could then be used to stab at their heads, which, according to the public service announcements, is the only way to take the zombies out. It's absolutely wonderful!

WOMAN: (thrilled, near tears) Oh my gosh!

APPRAISER: It's a tremendous find. Any museum would be glad to have it. They could use it to arm a guard or to kill zombie guards. And on the other side of the coin, I, for one, would be thrilled if the last thing I saw in this life was this beautiful artwork as it sliced into my rotting flesh.

(Banner Reads: "Greek Water Vessel, 500-200 B.C. Weapon.")

Happy Hinted Holidays

2009-10-02T20:03:00.000-07:00

Happy Chusok, or Korean Thanksgiving! Of course, if I say "Have a good Chusok" in Korean I sound like a little baby. Everyone knows you don't actually say the name of the holiday or hope it goes well. It's just not cool or something.

Being a foreigner who spends too much time speaking foreign talk, I forgot the longer, super trendy way of greeting during the holiday. That being the case, I spent the last couple of days using baby talk. To my credit, the until-then unfriendly cab driver did smile at the greeting. To his credit, he might have been laughing at me.

Happy Chusok, everyone.

More Middle School Gold

2009-09-30T21:50:00.001-07:00

So, I'm handing out a five page test. The conversation proceeds as follows.

Me: Does everyone have five pages?

(Crickets)

Me: Count your pages. Does everyone have five?

Student: Are we supposed to have five?

Me: Yes. Are you missing one?

Student: No. I have five.

Wondering why my students imagine me randomly concocting numbers in my head for no reason, I recalled some more quotable goodness.

Me(deadpan): Since you didn't finish your tests by the end of class, you all get zeros. (brief pause) just kidding. Turn them in, and we'll finish them next week (to everyone's credit, they were loooong tests)

Student (laughing): I thought you were serious!

Me: You really thought I was going to randomly punish you with a zero?

All: Yes.

So flattering.

Writing about Writing (and other snoozefests)

2009-09-29T02:00:00.000-07:00

So, I submitted two of my short stories to a literary magazine for consideration a while back. Now, the waiting game begins.

Meanwhile*, I got the inspiration to start writing some essays as well. It's kind of a cross between this and my other blog in tone, only (hopefully) more carefully revised. I know it's hard to imagine that, but it's possible. This is me humble.

It's funny how strong a role music plays in the whole thing. I was listening to my iPod on shuffle, and as long as something like BNL was playing, I didn't feel much like writing. Bob Dylan started the next song, and I was starting to feel inspired. Beck came in on the next song, and I was ready to go. Which reminds me, I gotta go write something.

Later.

*I like using "meanwhile" as a common expression. It reminds me of Super Friends, which is no small sense of comfort to any true child of the 80s.

Okay, I Had to Share This

2009-09-28T04:42:00.000-07:00

I'm still here. You know, FYI. Anyway, I had to share this. Enjoy.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/michael_j_fox_reluctantly?utm_source=onion_rss_daily

A Current Life in Song

2009-09-19T17:31:00.000-07:00

It's already turning out to be an interesting year. At present, I'm not really sure how much is appropriate to say. However, I can say my iPod started talking to me. And you thought I was exagerating when I mentioned Don Quixote. Seriously, though, certain songs have expressed a lot of how this year feels so far.

The good, bad, and ugly are all here, in music form.

1. "Lovers in a Dangerous Time", BNL. "You gotta kick it to darkness 'til it bleeds daylight." That feels about right. http://www.lyrics.com/lyrics/barenaked-ladies/lovers-in-a-dangerous-time.html

2. "Heroes", David Bowie. This is cheating, because it's not on my iPod. However, there's something to a song about a couple being heroic simply by refusing to break up "just for one day", and it won't leave me alone. As it shouldn't. http://www.lyrics.com/lyrics/david-bowie/heroes.html

3. "Hang", Matchbox 20. I have no further comment at this time. Let's just say it hasn't changed anything at present decision-wise. Okay, now there's no comment. http://www.lyrics.com/lyrics/matchbox-twenty/hang.html

4. "What a Good Boy", BNL. The theme of this song, unrealistic human expectations put on people before they're even born, helps me emphatically (as a teacher) and personally in those weak moments when I forget it's not about what we as people want or expect. We dupe ourselves when we let people convince us to bear the wrong cross.(lyrics unavailable)

5. "Help Me", Johnny Cash. "God's Gonna Cut You Down" may be one of my all-time favorite Cash covers, especially when I'm in an imprecatory mood. This one, however turns out to be the right salve at the right time. http://www.lyrics.com/lyrics/johnny-cash/help-me-live.html

6. "Rusty Cage", Johnny Cash. Cash had the best covers, and this song also speaks to me at the right times. http://www.lyrics.com/lyrics/johnny-cash/rusty-cage.html

7."Welcome to the Black Parade," My Chemical Romance. These lyrics cover the spectrum of aformentioned human expecation-induced pressure. For the process back toward "only One expectation matters", this suffices. http://www.lyrics.com/lyrics/my-chemical-romance/welcome-to-the-black-parade.html

8. "Look for Me Baby", Fiction Family. This is too fun and cheeky not to produce a needed smile.

9.And sometimes you just need an unapolagetically fun love song to remind you what's what. http://www.lyrics.com/lyrics/barry-louis-polisar/all-i-want-is-you.html

10.Try two. http://www.lyrics.com/lyrics/the-moldy-peaches/anyone-else-but-you.html

Don Quixote tidbits

2009-09-14T01:14:00.000-07:00

To be honest, I don't know if I'll ever finish reading Don Quixote. Somewhere just shy of the halfway point I got lost in long monologues from secondary and secondary to the secondary characters. I know Cervantes was inventing the novel, but someone should have invented a #(@*&#&$^ editor. At least then, I'd be able to review the dang thing.

All things being equal, I've found a lot to appreciate and admire in this novel so far. I recently looked through the underlined parts and found myself laughing a bit. It's worth a read, from time to time.

As a quick synopsis, Don Quixote is a wealthy nobleman who reads too many romances and decides he must be a knight. He invents a lady to fight for whom we never see. In one of my favorite parts, he constructs a helmet, tests it and in so doing reduces it to a few pieces. He quickly constructs a second one and decides it's okay without testing it.

This is the danger, especially when I'm juggling too much at once. I don't have time for tests, so why can't I just be certain of my own certainty?* At no other time does ignoring reality seem so tempting.

Is there a time to stop testing and turn in faith? Of course, but I'm convinced cardboard helmets don't count. God gave us brains for a reason, and attacking windmills with swords was definitely not one of them.

Yeah. That part was funny, too.

*The movie "Doubt" touches on this theme as well. I'm still thinking about it, so I'd say it's an effective film.

OK random video

2009-09-10T01:37:00.000-07:00

So, the topic of online "churches" renewed my interest in Radiohead's OK Computer, a CD about technology's tendencies to contribute to inhumanity. It's an interesting topic, but this post has nothing to do with that.

I looked up Radiohead-related videos on youtube and came across this completely by accident. I don't know if I would have done exactly what this guy did ("Climbing up the Walls"? What was he thinking?) but the results are worth seeing. Enjoy.

Fun with Identity Crises

2009-09-09T05:34:00.000-07:00

The other day in one of my middle school classes I decided to spice things up by mistaking an r sound and an l sound. Some would say I made a mistake, and they would be telling the truth, but they're liing, I tell you. Whatever the case, after my slip-up, I caught myself and said "I lived here too long."

To my surprise, a few students started laughing.

You've Got to be Kidding Me

2009-09-02T23:49:00.000-07:00

I(laughing)have(laughing)no(laughing)words.

http://eternal-earthbound-pets.com/Home_Page.html

For Your Convenience

2009-08-31T01:00:00.000-07:00

Why did this have to come out after Lord of the Rings? Pray tell?

http://runpee.com/#app=5c9d&e1bd-RunPeeID=0.0.0&225a-selectedIndex=0

Movie Review: The Great Dictator

2009-08-30T05:26:00.000-07:00

I recently read some comments on a new movie made by Quentin Tarentino set during WWII. The comment had to do with the fact that while there's no shortage of evil villains in this world, the Nazis are always the only target of cinematic aggression. While I believe there's good reason for this, I can't condone torture of anyone, cinematic or otherwise. This is why an old classic proved a good alternative.

I looked up a few facts and found out this was controversial in its day, as the US was not yet at war with Nazi Germany. To be fair, Chaplin had reason to know a little extra on Hitler. The guy ripped off his mustache and claimed to be a fan of the Tramp. Chaplin's response, in movie form? "The Tramp's Jewish, and you're an idiot."

This movie has serious overtones and undertones obviously, but the satire, slapstick and verbal humor are brilliant. Chaplin proved himself, with his first talkie, to be an all around comic genious. He was mad, and this thinly veiled comic autobiographical rant doesn't try to hide it, but that doesn't overshadow the quality of the movie. Even the speech at the end seems to take Hitler's public speaking stlye and turn it on its head. And that's what works with the best Chaplin movies. In the midst of a lot of crazy antics, there's a lot of heart.

I'll part with my favorite line.

"I thought you were an Aryan."
"Actually, I'm a vegetarian."

All smells must come to an end

2009-08-28T03:22:00.000-07:00

So, I asked when the dudes were coming to replace our stinky washer of doom and take it into oblivion or some other such place. I figured I should be home when they dealt with it as is the custom with such things.

I asked during the school day, and the answer surprised me a bit. They already took care of it. We officially have a new washer that should work and doesn't smell like sulfurous hell-water. Of death.

Where did the old one go? I'd like to think it found a good home. At the bottom of a cliff. Or a shooting range. Or the dump. That works, too.

Wanted: New Washer

2009-08-26T05:02:00.000-07:00

You know it's time to get a new washer when the old one tries to kill you.

First, it refuses to work properly, threatening to stress us to death.

Next, my wife and I touched it at different times only to be shocked. Now it's trying to electrocute us.

In the meantime, it's still not working, so the water that refused to drain days ago is still there, not draining and smelling a lot like rotten eggs with a generous helping of evil. Now it's trying to stink us out.

Thankfully a repairman came to look at it the other day. He spoke a little English, so between that and my tiny sprinkling of Korean we were able to communicate. When he plugged in the washer, I warned "be careful" in both languages just to be safe. I half-watched and half-prayed I wouldn't end up an accessory to murder. Thankfully, the washer was in a good mood and only refused to drain. No Korean BBQ.

To make a long story epic, he told us we need a new motor. I'm grateful for his help and everything, but the cost of a new motor was a bit much. So, we're going another route.

In the meantime, we still had the old, stinky water. That's now a thing of the past, and all it took was a trash can, a pitcher, two cups and an hour's worth of unpleasant memories. I can still smell it. The horror.

Great, more ninjas

2009-08-23T04:25:00.000-07:00

Integrity and Stuffs

2009-08-19T23:42:00.000-07:00

So, this year I've decided (yeah, let's say that) to broaden my horizons and teach some middle school in addition to elementary ESL. I guess you could say it was decided for me, if you're into facts and accuracy and all that business, but I like my version better. The point is, I'm teaching a few middle school classes.

So far, I've done two days. Day one consisted of, among other things, defining plagiarism as a habit to avoid. We went over examples and definitions, and I thought it went rather well.

Today the same students noticed part of their reading assignment involved finding examples of idioms in a handout and writing them down on a piece of paper. A hand shot up and one young man addressed me quietly.

"Isn't that plagiarism?"

I explained that

a) Your teacher wouldn't ask you to plagiarize (while trying to look as offended as possible)

and

b) It doesn't fit the definition. We spent a few minutes explaining why.

The p word has been a problem in the past pretty much anywhere I've taught, so the fact a student asked is heartening. Still, come on guys. Give me some credit (offended face continues).

Speaking of Action Figures...

2009-08-19T05:26:00.000-07:00

I haven't seen the movie yet, but this is based on the cartoons and action figures anyway, so it made me laugh a lot. The sequel to it is funny as well. There is a bit of language, so now you know. And knowing is half the battle.

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2009/8/7pille.html

You know it's been a long week

2009-08-15T15:44:00.000-07:00

when you hear a country song and almost sort of like it. It's okay. I'm better now. Won't happen again. I hope. (suspenseful music)

More Awesomeness

2009-08-11T04:00:00.000-07:00

I'm not a cat person, but here's proof they can occasionally be useful. Also, they may or may not have superpowers. I'll have to check on that.

Dancing in the Aisles

2009-08-10T06:43:00.000-07:00

There's something about this that's just...awesome. That's all I can say.

Movie Review: King of Kong

2009-08-03T17:37:00.001-07:00

In my latest blatant attempt to review a movie without a license I will add insult to injury by reviewing a movie that's been on DVD for over a year. Ah, living overseas.

I waited to see this movie ever since I heard the premise--two gamers go head to head for the title of Donkey Kong champion. I wish it was Starcraft, because I would have seen it by now. Whatever the case, it seemed weird and compelling enough for me to want to see it. I watched clips on youtube, and I was hooked. I had to see it.

During the wait, I learned a lot of generalities about the story, just enough to ruin a movie for someone. So much for self control, but what can you do*. I finally bought it this summer, and I put it in yesterday ready for the letdown.

Here's the funny part. There was no letdown. It's funny, surprising,oddly touching and heartbreaking, and uplifting. I don't want to say too much, because I don't want to ruin it for others, but it's one of my all time favorites. Hollywood fiction has nothing on this one. Actually, I've never seen a documentary come close either. It's that good.

One more observation. The makers of King of Kong chased several possible stories as they followed gamers around, and this showdown emerged. They said wow, that's our story, and went with it. People have called it a story of good vs evil (you have a hero and villain in the film), and it works well on that level. I just think it's interesting because the showdown between these two continues to this day. Neither will rest until everything is settled once and for all. Hmmm.

*besides not looking up spoilers, as that obviously didn't work so well for me.

Meanwhile, Back in the Far East

2009-08-01T05:13:00.000-07:00

We're home. No more complaining about over sized portions for me. Now it's back to complaining about other things, like how the portions are too small. Or not complaining. That could work, too. Blogwise, anyway.

Had to share this story. I had to laugh, because it vaguely reminds me of cable news, only without ridiculous people who would have no job if they were remotely unattractive. At least it's a bipartisan policy.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/china_strong?utm_source=c-section

Review: Food and Drink

2009-07-25T04:38:00.000-07:00

Trying something new here. In making the most of our time in the US, I decided to sample some of the best American cuisine has to offer. a) Yay, I spelled cuisine right without spellcheck!

or b) Oops.

Choose whichever one applies.

Anyway, here are my thoughs on some of the best...yeah, I already said that.

1. Wendy's Asian chicken. If you're a friend on Facebook, you may have already seen my initial thought on the latest this restaurant has to offer in the way of fine dining. It's called sweet and spicy, and I found the first to be true, but not so much the second. Of course, much of Korean food I'm used to is hotter than Hades, so consider the source.

I was impressed at the portions, in that they were enough for just one person. I like this, since Beka and I realized "happy meal" is the ideal meal size for us when visiting the US. The toys are fun, too, but that's not the point. Gee whiz, America. Go on a diet. That's the point. Yeah.

2. Pizza Hut's pzones. Yummy, but tooooo muuuuch fooood. America, see previous statment about portion sizes and diets. I'm very dissappointed in you.

3. Energy drinks. Also known as "liquid crack," these beverages enjoy a lot of popularity and therefore intrigued me. I bought one, cracked it open, and tried a sip. The taste reminded me of carbonated lemon pledge. Somehow I finished it and vowed never to try it again.

A couple of weeks later, I tried it again. This time a different brand, but the taste was still quite distinctively that of dust cleaner. Maybe it was a different brand as well, but that didn't help my taste buds much.

Why would anyone drink something that tastes so horrible? I'm sticking to black coffee.

4. For the sake of argument (and keeping my job) let's say I tried Grape Juice. We were about to enjoy an excellent meal at an equally excellent Itallian restaurant and I thought, "Hey! I'll try me some Grape Juice." Of course, I was quick to point out to the waitress that I don't know one from the other, and having said that, I prepared to close my eyes and point to the menu.

She kindly stopped me and offered to let me tastes different brands of red and white Grape Juice until I decided what I wanted. The effect was having several glasses spread out in front of me, effectively making me look like a juice-o. Honestly, I took small sips. Fine, don't believe me. I'm so fired.

Anyway, my best choices seemed to be between two of the white Grape Juices, as the one red Grape Juice tasted like cough syrup. Unfortunately, I didn't have a cold, so I'm unable to report on its medicinal value. Maybe next time.

I decided to be a good boy in the end and choose the milder and sweeter of the two white Grape Juices. With the food, it wasn't bad.

Would I do it again? Not often, since I'm still a cheapskate. But as a rare treat, it did the trick.

On Sarcasm

2009-07-23T07:43:00.000-07:00

After the last post and some backtracking of previous posts, I realized a trend in my writing. When I need a handy book to mock, I always tend to pick one in particular. Mockery of it in particular is my comfort object, my tickle-me-Elmo if you will. I mean, there are plenty of awful books out there. Why this one?

I think the "poor, little defenseless white male" theme wins the prize. Even as I'm writing this, I'm supressing a giggle. But even if I do giggle, I'm okay with that.

Either that, or I'm snobbish enough to avoid reading a lot of crappy books. That's possible, too.

Either way, yes, I'm aware of the trend.

Book Review: Catch 22

2009-07-21T10:59:00.000-07:00

I recently wanted to read this novel once I heard it's supposed to be the funniest book written in the English language. Until now, the funniest satire I've read was either Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy or Wild at Heart. Of course only the first one was intentionally funny, so I can't count the second. Still.

Catch 22's blurb was not an exaggeration. It uses satire, slapstick, verbal mahem, over the top bad behavior (including visiting prostitutes and such so yes that counts as a warning to sensitive readers)and even a Road Runner style chase scene. Yes, I said Road Runner. But even that is used to good effect, once you catch the theme.

Yossarian is either the only sane man in a group of lunatics, or the least crazy person, mostly due to the fact that he doesn't want to die. The book argues with a brilliant ripple-effect style that the world we live in is insane, and that much of it is our choice yet somehow out of our control. Or is it? If you don't like the way things are, you can walk away any time you want to. Only you can't. Can you?

This and Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver were extremely well-timed reads for me. PB helped me rethink cross-cultural teaching/ministry and how it should be done, while Catch 22 helps me think through why we (people) do anything at all. I don't want to give anything away just in case, but if you're taking a stand or asking why you even try the end (of C 22) can come in handy. It worked for me,anyway.

Of course, if you don't enjoy fiction you can skip this review entirely. Of course, you just read it so you really can't. Or can you?

...and done (almost sort of kind of).

2009-07-13T07:18:00.000-07:00

Ten stories done. Now I only have to get the last five on disk (yes, I talk like an old person using words like "disk") proofread all ten, then on to the shameless promotion. I'm hoping to make an effort to promote good fiction and short stories through the genre of comedy. So far I've got psychological and philosophical themes along with some of the weirdest stories I've done. I even managed to slip in some poop jokes for good measure.

If you haven't guessed by now, I'm excited.

And yes, there will be updates.

Goings on and Stuffs

2009-07-12T17:47:00.000-07:00

Saw Bolt and Push. Bolt was better than expected, good for some laughs. Push was awful, and almost made me lose respect for the "not yet" guy from Gladiator who was also good in Blood Diamond. Almost.

Saw a Felice Brothers concert, which was also my first real concert in six years or so, give or take a couple. It was high energy, which was good, until it got a little too high energy at the end. Still, how often can you say you saw someone breaking his washboard at a concert? It was also interesting to see the same member of the folk-rock band beat boxing. It's like they asked What Would Dylan Do? And did the opposite. Still, it was entertaining so I can't complain too much.

They also did one gospel-ish song, which coincidentally sounded the best and seemed to be the most high energy (in a non-destructive way). They need to record it so I can buy it. Yeah, some people still buy music. Fine, don't believe me. I got to go download some videos. Later.

Eight Down, Two to Go

2009-07-08T17:18:00.000-07:00

Short Stories, that is. Just FYI.

Happy 4th

2009-07-05T17:59:00.000-07:00

A few 4th of July highlights:

1. Before the parade on main street in Windham New York we noticed a lady approach one of many tiny American flags on a fence in front of the public library, snatch it, and walk (semi) casually away. I wanted to yell "Stop stealing America!" but it was too late.

2. During the parade I acquired a new skill--dodging projectile candy. I got pretty good at it too, thanks for asking.

3. When we got home, we discovered the neigbors were having quite a large bonfire without a permit. This is in a rural, heavilly wooded area, so we felt the urge to call it in. A police car and later two fire trucks came up the narrow steep dirt driveway to us, since we were the ones who called. The first two backed up and headed toward the proper house, but the last fire truck had issues turning around. After tearing up another neighbor's driveway a bit, lots of effort, and more effort on our part to keep from laughing (too loud), they got out. Eventually, all was slightly better. Even later, the fire went bye-bye.

DC!

2009-06-27T10:17:00.000-07:00

We had the opportunity to see some of what there is to see in the US capital. We had frequent flier miles lying around so we decided to cram a six hour drive into an all-day flight. It was a bit of a huge circle, but not bad for $20.

We crammed into a couple of planes for Oompa Loompas by Oompa Lompas. Fortunately, I've lived in Korea for five years and am therefore accustomed to the art of ducking. Otherwise I'm sure the number of head bumps would have exceeded two.

Five more words about the flight and I'm done. Two delays. Worst turbulance ever.

We arrived at Beka's aunt and uncle's house that afternoon. Her aunt handed us subway cards as we watched the news about the subway crash earlier that day. Amazingly enough, we were able to use the subway that week without delays. We kept hearing about delays, but I guess we just missed them.

So, what did we see? Roosevelt and Lincoln Memorials, Viet Nam Memorial, American History Museum (highlights include George Washington in a toga, Loony Tunes drawing cells, and Kermit), two art galleries and a portrait museum. We went to the zoo to not see the pandas and were successful in our goal. We went to Mount Vernon and saw Washington's stomping grounds and a guy who looks like Hurley from Lost. All said, it was a full week.

What did I learn? It's hard to say. I saw a picture in the American History museum of a cartoon showing the North and South's opinion of Lincoln after his famous speech. The South saw him as a war monger and the North saw him as too peaceful. When I see portraits or sculptures of famous political figures, are they really heroes? The frustration is, it depends on who you talk to.

Five Stories Done, Five to Go

2009-06-16T06:24:00.000-07:00

My goal is half done. Harrass me. Please.

Please Take Us to the Zoo

2009-06-13T05:48:00.000-07:00

I went to the zoo with some friends, so I had the title stuck in my head a good part of the day. It's part of a script for a listening and speaking test I give fairly often. I figured if I have to endure that phrase repeatedly, I might as well entertain myself with it, and I don't do remixes. I lack the rhythm and musical ability.

Okay, the story. I saw a little guy with a Pokemon balloon and as is the routine I made funny faces. As is the routine for Korean children, he stared at the strange white man.

I walked up to him and softly punched the balloon.

He stepped slowly back, then ran downhill to find mom.

The Korean college students with us laughed and said, "Omah (Mom)!"

International incident, here I come.

Good Old Irony

2009-06-11T02:57:00.000-07:00

Our school had the elementary awards ceremony, and specials went first. I'm kind of elementary and specials yet at the same time I'm neither. I like to call myself the Victor Nvorsky of our school, the man without a country. Anyway, I was giving awards, yada yada.

I handed out the "Most Improved Reading and Writing" award to one of the first graders in my class. He proudly strolled to the front of the cafeteria, accepted his award, then stood on the platform, looked at the award and said "I don't know what this means."

I tried to take it back, but he didn't let me.

Recent Happenings

2009-06-06T06:46:00.000-07:00

Between work, the end (of this school year) being nigh, and the sudden inspiration to write a short story per week (I finished three) I haven't felt the urge to blog as frequently as usual. It could be worse--I could have a life or something and not have time to work at all.

As another reminder that I am in fact alive and capable of more than the occassional copy and paste, here's a brief update on highlights of recent goings on.

1. Friday was field day. I roasted in the sun along with other teachers and elementary students. In the afternoon, everyone but me got wet. I joined a game of "Rain Rain Flood" and sat down, ready to get splashed. The game ended soon after I sat down, leaving me dry.

My stingyness at my game station left me with a surplus of water balloons at the end of the day. Several students grabbed balloons and proceeded to use them. One eyed me mischievously, so I pointed to my chest, encouraging a shot. The child threw the baloon, hitting me point blank in the chest. It bounced, and landed at the kid's feet before exploding. So much for cooling off.

2. Saturday was graduation. As an update on a former post,no poop was mentioned or implied. I can't say I'm not a little disappointed, but I'll live.

Congrats to the class of 2009.

Before I sign off, I'll ramble a bit more. If you know me, please bug me about finishing short stories. My goal is to finish ten by the end of the summer, and to finish at least one more by the end of this week. Bug me, please. Unless I don't know you, of course. Then I'd demand, "Who are you?"

More Stuff I didn't Write

2009-06-03T13:36:00.000-07:00

I'm actually posting a funny article that isn't from the Onion. I don't know why, but sometimes these things just happen. It's from on online magazine called McSweeney's, and yeah, I had to share. Enjoy.

SENTENCES THAT,
IF USED BY JUDGES
IN A SPELLING BEE,
WOULD PROVE
TOTALLY UNHELPFUL
TO CONTESTANTS
ATTEMPTING TO DERIVE
THE MEANING OF
THE WORD.
BY JACK SCHNEIDER AND MOSES RIFKIN

- - - -

"The spelling-bee contestant did not know how to spell the word ______."

"The word you have been asked to spell is ______."

"______-______-bo-______-bananna-fanna-fo-______-fee-fy-fo-______. ______!"

"My third favorite word is ______."

"Cinderella, wanting desperately to attend the ball, wished for her fairy godmother to grant her a wish. Her fairy godmother appeared and granted the wish, noting, however, that Cinderella would only be transformed until midnight. If you had a fairy godmother right now, you would probably wish for her to help you spell ______, even if it meant that you would only know how to spell that word until midnight."

"After correctly spelling ______, the contestant went back to getting teased by his/her classmates."

"______ is a word you will never hear outside these halls."

"Ten years from now you will run into someone on the street who, having watched the spelling bee on ESPN2, and thinking he/she is an expert on matters with which he/she clearly is not familiar, will smile, approach you warmly, and say, 'Hey, can you spell ______ now???'"

Favorite Quotes

2009-06-02T23:51:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure if anyone ever reads them old quotes on facebook, but I was recently thinking back on some of my favorite and decided to share. Enjoy.

It's not polite to speak when...no one wants to hear what you have to say. (from How to Be Good)

Anyone who speaks German can't be bad (random juror in the Simpsons)

It doesn't bother me in the least to deliberate whether the beating was disgraceful or not, but the blows, which will remain as deeply impressed in my memory as they are on my back, really hurt. (Sancho Panza in Don Quixote)

This is the worst kind of discrimination. The kind against me! (Bender the robot in Futurama)

All you care about is my soul. (some kid who attended a youth group one time)

Who needs courage when you have a gun? (Professor Farnsworth in Futurama)

Record company executive: Many of your fans are Christians. They don't want you singing to murderers and rapists to cheer them up.

Johnny Cash: I guess they're not real Christians then.
(Walk the Line)

The teachers taught me that life was all about survival of the fittest, but when I stole stuff from the stockroom they threw me out.
(Sprog)

I find your ideas interesting and would like to subscribe to your newsletter. (Homer J. Simpson)

I don't want to survive. I want to live! (from Wall E)

God made us for Himself--this is the only explanation that satisfies the heart of a thinking man, whatever his wild reason may say. (AW Tozer)

That crazy old man in church was right! (Grandpa Simpson, unwittingly referring to himself)

Yes, it's gotten so bad that Americans are actually reading. (Steve Colbert, from the Colbert Report)

Religious Etiquette.
If you're at a social function and a benediction is said and the God invoked is not your own, it's a good idea to mutter, roll your eyes, and smirk, so your God will know that you're not taken in by some false God. (Dan Liebert, verbal cartoonist)

i prefer the name h1n1. it sounds like disease bingo (Steven Colbert)

Lying in the darkness, he knew he was an outcast. "'Cos I had some sense." (Lord of the Flies)

Did you ever think those hippos weren't hungry and we were just force feeding them? (The Sneeze)

Steam of Consciousness

2009-05-29T19:55:00.000-07:00

I guess if I entitle this blog Randomness and Other Stuff it's assumed stream of consciousness will come into play sooner or later.

C.S. Lewis used to call it "steam of consciousness." He obviously didn't think too highly of it.

C.S. Lewis was a published author. I want to be a published author.

Published authors have to write a lot before they can add the term "published" to their title. It takes discipline.

Principal Strickland from Back to the Future liked discipline. We see in Back to the Future III that fathers taught that word to their sons for generations. "Remember that word." "I will, pa."

Whenever I think of the word discipline, I picture a cranky bald man waiting for someone to screw up so he can get them where he wants them-in detention! The Christianese term is "legalism."

I don't want to be legalistic, but I want to write. So I wrote a short story by giving myself a deadline. I also asked friends to hold me to my deadline. I wanted to do it, so I did it. And I wrote a story. One down, eight to go.

Having a goal and taking steps to move towards it. There's nothing wrong with that. Is the problem that we don't know what we want?

Discipline. I'll remember that word.

Food?

2009-05-27T01:34:00.000-07:00

So, this is almost like Fast Food Nation, only way shorter, funnier, and less factual (I think).

Enjoy. But don't consume.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/kfc_no_longer_permitted_to_use?utm_source=a-section

Thinking About Baseball

2009-05-24T05:16:00.000-07:00

The other day we enjoyed a BBQ with friends from church and loaded into a bus to go see a pro Korean baseball game. Eating baked beans followed by riding for an hour in a bus with no windows aren't the best of combinations, but what can you do. Thankfully, we survived the trip with minimal casualties.

Before we left, we were informed that the game might be tamer than usual. Korea's ex-president had died, so there either would be no cheerleaders or no cheering. Later we'd find out the former was the case.

Upon arriving, we made our way through the crowd, got our tickets and found our seats. Some did as the Romans did and bought the Korean baseball noisemakers of choice. They looked like two orange or red plastic inflatable sausages and when banged together sounded like pots and pans. Thankfully, we would discover later, they were surprisingly soft. The seating was close together so we had many opportunities to be so pleasantly surprised. My ears do still have a slight ring to them.

The game began, and being on the orange team's side, we decided to root mostly for them. Later a Korean friend would tell us players' names and help us chant along with the crowd. Until then, and okay, I'll be honest, after then too, I misheard the chants and chanted whatever I heard. My personal favorites were "Might be yours" and "You are gay." Usually I don't shout out things like that, but it was for baseball.

We figured out the scoreboard and gawked a bit at the batting averages. They were between .100 and .200. We'd later find this made for a good game.

Both teams were tied for several innings. Finally, at the end, Orange team pulled out an extra run. The crowd went wild on either side for so much as a base hit. It made for an intense game.

I was glad the orange team beat the white team, because we were mostly cheering for them, but also because I'm a guilty white male and I can't in good conscience root for the white team.

We loaded back on the bus, exhausted but happy. On the way home we'd hear the news--the ex-president had committed suicide. Many Koreans were reportedly in a state of shock. Thankfully, for three hours we were reminded there can still be hope.

The Old Switcharoo

2009-05-21T20:53:00.000-07:00

I touched on the subject of creation in a class of third graders. The point was how we could say God created everything, when people made stuff like bridges, etc. It turned out well, with a slight detour in between. One student brought up dinosaurs and insisted they lived before people. How do you know that? I asked. I know, he replied.

I scratched my head when I realized I was having this conversation with a third grader.

I went back to the original topic, then spoke to this young man on his own. The Bible and the Discovery Channel won't always tell you the same thing, I explained. You need to look at what the Bible says, pray, and decide which one you think is true. And keep asking good questions.

He nodded, most likely surprised to hear this much honesty from a grown-up.

Later I sat in High School study hall while seniors discussed whether it's appropriate to use the word "poop" in a graduation speech. Thankful for the contrast I explained the nuances of implying poop. Poop would remain the star of the conversation for a good five to ten minutes.

If I inverted the grades, the two conversations might sound a little more believable. There's something about Fridays.

This. Is. Awesome.

2009-05-19T21:24:00.000-07:00

It's about time.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/texas_constructs_u_s_border_wall?utm_source=onion_rss_daily

Coffee Spillage Friday

2009-05-14T22:14:00.000-07:00

I might have to revise TGIF ever so slightly. Recently a trend has developed, and since I've started noticing, it's always happened on Friday. My #@%#@& coffee is trying to kill me.

Last Friday, I tiptoed to my seat for morning staff devotions, started to sit down, and proceeded to spill hot liquid all over the place. I ran to the teacher's lounge to grab tissues while I reminded the rest of the staff and anyone else in the building that I need a sippy cup. I'd continue to spill coffee at least two more times that same day.

To those who would say I'm just clumsy, I'd say you have a point, but any other day of the week I avoid spilling java. Just a couple of days ago I managed my way through a crowd of students at near top speed with zero spillage. Today, however, was Friday, so the carnage continued.

I had just finished cleaning up after a minor coffee spill because of a rolled marker. I refilled and enjoyed my coffee as I sat in the teacher's lounge. No longer content to attack from without, the coffee decided to attack my throat. I choked, coughed a bit, then refilled my cup again. It was going to be a long day.

Maybe he's just smart

2009-05-12T21:05:00.000-07:00

I bided my time, but this seemed worth sharing. Enjoy.

Special Boy With Freakishly Large Brain Wins Spelling Bee

More Fun with Scifi

2009-05-10T13:50:00.001-07:00

I just saw the new Start Trek movie, and I have to say I liked it. It's long, but it's a fun movie in that cheesy, melodramatic Star Trek way. And that's all you can ask for in the end.

Some time ago, I did a list of unintentional comedies and Star Trek 2 was on it. This may seem to some as mockery, like other movies in the list. The truth is, I enjoy the occasional cheesy scifi movie and Star Trek movies are easy to enjoy. You can laugh, and in many cases just enjoy the ride. Unless they're giving punks the vulcan nerve pinch and looking for whales. What was up with that, anyway?

My theory is ST 4 was co written by Herman Melville and a cranky old neighbor fed up with those pesky kids and their music. Not the best combination, by the way.

All this to say, ST 2 was unintentionally funny, but it's also a fun movie to watch, and it had some nice touches of character development. The new movie's jokes are a lot more intentional (including middle name jokes) but the cheesy fun is still there. There's even an appearance by the original Spock, who may have just plain forgotten he was Leonard Nemoy in his old age. It works, though.

The new trend in scifi is to try to make the most ridiculous situations look as good as possible with CGI. We can still see the strings most of the time, but they're more impressive. With this new movie, you're aware of how impossible much of it is, but for once, you don't care. It's that much fun.

The back stories on Kirk and Spock are also noteworthy and worth adding time to the movie.

Cheesy fun, check. Character development, check. Senile Leonard Nemoy, check. If this list sounds good to you, go see Star Trek: Beginnings. You won't be disappointed.*

*Disclaimer: There is no money-back guarantee or guarantee of any kind attached to this promise. Movie may or may not contain actual vulcans. No ewoks were harmed in the writing of this blog.

Fun with Scifi

2009-05-09T00:52:00.000-07:00

I haven't seen the movie yet, but this is funny.

Music Review: Felice Brothers and Snow Patrol

2009-05-08T00:41:00.000-07:00

I recently got a collection of Felice Brothers CDs right after getting a Snow Patrol CD. Both make me smile, for different reasons. I don't listen to new music often, so it comforts me to know the efforts weren't wasted.

I'm currently listening to Yonder is the Clock by the Felice brothers. They've been compared to Bob Dylan for their folk/rock style and lyrical storytelling. I would add the nature of the stories also reflect Dylan's style. The songs are all about people who did something regrettable, and who look back on their mistakes. Or as one song puts it

Very soon
I will be
In the deep blue sea
Wrapped in chicken wire
By my own device (Chicken Wire)

At times they remind me of Johnny Cash's songs about prisoners who committed crimes and confess. Only unlike Cash's songs, these don't reach the same point of redemption. Also, they have a vulgar nature at times, so be warned.

The songs are singable, too, but the nature of the stories makes for some unusual outbursts. One song from another CD of theirs speaks of a character in prison for drug possession. Singing a chorus about what he possessed could sound a little funny to one's loved ones. Thankfully, most choruses on Yonder is the Clock are more outburst-friendly. But if you really enjoy a song and get funny looks, you were warned.

Also singable is the new Snow Patrol CD. I don't usually promote pop-rock, and this one is even less rock than pop. That makes it awkward, but oh, well. It sounds good, so I like it.

I decided Snow Patrol is like the Slumdog Millionaire of the music world. It's happy-sounding, shamelessly uplifting (again, sound-wise), yet well-done somehow because of the lack of embarrassment from enjoying it. The last pop-rock CD I could say that about would be U2's Joshua Tree (their last great album, coincidentally). This is no Joshua Tree, but it's smile-worthy. I guess extremely happy endings aren't all bad.

Fun with Tourism

2009-05-05T23:38:00.000-07:00

I've been a shamefully low contributer to the worthy cause of placing annoying tunes in people's heads. Here's my first attempt to make ammends. Wait. No one will watch it then. What I meant to say is, "Here's my first attempt blah blah blah. Or is it?" That's better.

P.S. This video is part 2. Part one has a profanity in it, so I didn't post it here. Also funny, but this one made me laugh more. Enjoy. Oh, and it's not annoying. Won't stick in your head at all.

Movie Physics

2009-05-02T15:53:00.000-07:00

I just watched Wolverine the other day, then Taken. I've noticed a trend in movies recently. I don't know if it started with comic book movies and fantasies or what, but movie physics are becoming almost equal with cartoon physics. Before long we'll see characters walking into pictures of tunnels (as long as they're the good guys) and walking off cliffs safely to the other side because they wisely decided not to look down. Or we'll see more action heroes eating carrots. I'm not quite sure.

Fun Yet Again with Current Events

2009-05-01T20:09:00.000-07:00

I had to share this. Enjoy!

http://www.theonion.com/content/amvo/specter_switches_sides

You've Got to be Kidding Me

2009-04-30T02:27:00.000-07:00

According to Facebook, you can now become a fan of yourself. There's a group called "Me", and apparently anyone can join.

I don't feel so good.

My Name is Earl

2009-04-29T05:30:00.001-07:00

Recently Beka and I started watching the first season of My Name is Earl and laughing quite a bit. It's no Office, but it was a lot less lame than I expected it to be. In the midst of the dumb Raising Arizona meets Me Myself and Irene humor, I was surprised by some hints of insight. Pure coincidence I'm sure, but appreciated nonetheless.

Earl is a petty thief who somehow wins the Lottery one day. Shortly after he's hit by a car. In the hospital, he discovers that Carson Daley came up with this thing called karma. He buys into it, makes a list of everything he did wrong, and proceeds to go about making things right, so he can cross stuff off the list and be a good person.

This is legalism, right? But it also equates to a sort of conversion experience. He realizes he can't hang out with the same people he used to, gets called nasty names and endures whining that he was so much more fun before. Of course, he's still entertaining, or Beka and I wouldn't laugh so much.

He also constantly adds to his list as he realizes things he did wrong that he never even thought about before. Hmmm.

At least in any of the episodes we watched, Christianity is mentioned in passing but not bad mouthed. Earl has to confess to an ex-con how he had wronged him. Fresh out of prison, the guy still has the wild-eyed look until he mentions that he became a Christian. However, he seems ready to return to the old ways when Earl confesses. Quickly Earl asks "What Would Jesus Do?"

The other man pauses, then consults the tatoo of Jesus on his chest.

Here it comes, I thought. Token hypocrisy.

"I forgive you," he states. Later on, we see a much saner looking version of him waving at Earl. In the midst of bizarre tattoo humor, we see a Christian practicing forgiveness on TV. And that makes me smile.

Japan: Parting Shot

2009-04-19T17:28:00.000-07:00

I just found a news story that reflects on the type of picnic we saw in the parks perfectly.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/programmes/from_our_own_correspondent/8002030.stm

It reminds me of one last story. Eventually we got used to how empty the mall near our hotel was, but the first night it was a bit creepy. At one point we waited by an arcade with no one else around but us. One of the games on the outside started making noise and moving around a bit. A drumstick, part of the game, fell to the floor. Only the embarrassment of soiling oneself in public kept me in line.

Later we would get used to shopping around in empty stores. Between that and the hours, we wondered how these places make any money.

That's where I want to end this story. We had fun and stretched our communication skills and tolerance for eating late, but that's not the end of it. We shouldn't forget when we went. There were picnics and drinking and silly giggling, but there were reasons for that. I hope I don't forget.

Japan Trip Part 4

2009-04-18T01:00:00.000-07:00

The following day we decided to head back to Kyoto and hunt once again for lunch. We had a late start and arrived after 2. Once arriving at our destination in the scenic tourist area we found that no restaurants opened until 5. We found a 7 11, bought some snacks and something noodle based but not much like Ramen, and settled in for a quick outdoor lunch.

We watched two musicians along with several other onlookers as pigeons scrounged for food. We tried not to drop too much food, but it was no use. Once the music stopped, the birds swooped in for the kill. We were surrounded. I cursed Hitchcock as I shook my bag to make noise. That startled some birds away. Lucky for us real pigeons are stupid.

We took pictures of the area, then went back to Osaka to get dinner. We had another nice search ahead of us, but we finally found a good place for sushi. We had a seat, and asked for a menu. The owner took us outside and pointed out the significance of our choices. We wanted medium portions for a seafood dish, but medium was not pictured. Small was, which consisted of two shrimp for basically $9. We thanked him for his time and went to find somewhere else.

We finally found a nice place and ordered fish, shrimp, other shellfish, and something that must have been sea monkey eggs. Whatever the case, we were full and happy.

We found a mall, shopped, then raced back to our shuttle. We made our way back to the hotel and packed for our return journey. The next day we'd hear Korean again.

Japan Trip Part 3

2009-04-16T03:21:00.000-07:00

We found a stair way to heaven after we took the train to Kyoto. It was actually an outdoor escalator in a large department store/mall, but that doesn't sound as cool. Lunch time was upon us, so we scanned each floor for restaurants. We weren't sure what we wanted, but we decided not Ramen again. We searched the shopping area, found nothing, and went back down the magical stairs (still sounds better than escalator, doesn't it)and found another good restaurant in the city. We found menus, pointed to the pictures we wanted, and inadvertently ordered Ramen. It was good nonetheless.

We found a cab and asked the driver about sites as we checked our map. Everything was good. Was the palace good? Yes, he agreed. Good.

He dropped us off at the palace and made his way back to somewhere else. I'm sure it was good, wherever it was. I'm sure the palace was good, except for the happy guards who wouldn't let anyone in. "No permission," we were informed. Good to know.

On the outside was another scenic park, so we took pictures and enjoyed the lovely day. Children chased pigeons while white flower petals rained around us. Nature. What a ham.

We walked to a shrine from there and read a story on a sign. Apparently boars are good for healing and providing safety on trips. I also believe they taste like pork, but the sign didn't mention anything about that.

We walked on as we hunted for a Starbucks we knew had to be nearby. At least half an hour later, we decided it wasn't as close as we had thought. By the time we found it, I was convinced we were seeing a mirage. Can caffeine deprivation do that? If it did, that sand tasted a lot like coffee so I can't complain.

After we continued walking, every third building was a Starbucks. Nice touch.

We entered an endless shopping area, bought some souvenirs including a doll with helmet hair, and finally found Engrish to cherish. I bought it, and I'll take pictures if I remember. If not, sorry.

We ate fries, watched fashionable people shop for clothes and occasionally trip, then shopped some more and headed back.

Beka and I were still hungry when we got back to our hotel, so we went to the mall area to find any restaurants open after 8. We went to a place called Spuds and ordered sandwiches and fries. The guy behind the counter looked Indian, so we asked where he was from originally.

"India, I guess," he replied. It turns out he had lived in Canada and the U.S. a good deal of his life. He sounded American, except for when he rattled off our orders in Japanese. I was a little embarrassed to admit being from Korea at that point. Well, we can order food in Korean, kind of.

I'm sure we redeemed ourselves by eating fries with chopsticks. But, he brought us silverware "just in case" so you never know.Thankfully we didn't need it.

Japan Trip Part 2

2009-04-15T01:59:00.000-07:00

We went back to the mall the next morning to find the stores closed and an indoor flea market in the main open area. We found an open bakery and got the necessary breakfast and more essential coffee. Nothing else opened until 11. On the bright side, they were open until the wee hours of 8 p.m. We hoped this was a Sunday thing. It turns out the flea market was; the odd hours weren't.

We took our time, then wandered by way of shuttle to the actual city area of Osaka. By this time we were ready for lunch, so we scanned a few restaurants and settled on a reasonable enough hole-in-the wall. We sat down, confirmed the man behind the counter couldn't speak English, accepted Japanese menus, and proceeded to order noodles.

Another man entered, ordered a meal and talked to us in English. He explained two things: he used to live in the US, and we were eating Ramen. If that's the truth, this Ramen was magical; it tasted better than any I had before.

He taught us how to say "not spicy" in Japanese, a useful expression in the Miles household. That being said, he gulped down his food and left.

Proud of our newfound knowledge, we tried it out on the guy behind the counter. I pointed to our respective dishes. He nodded and his eyes shone with recognition. "Hot," he said in English.

I said "spicy," then "not spicy" in Japanese as I pointed a second time.

The nod stopped and the shine faded at that point, replaced with confusion. Maybe I should stick to pointing.

If you're ever in Osaka, I recommend that restaurant. It has the best Ramen ever. The name is, uh, hmmm. Well, it's on, that street, you know, when you...

Never mind.

Later we went to the Castle and bought tickets to what turned out to be a park. We confirmed that dogs wear clothes in Japan and occassionally add sunglasses to the mix. I'm not judging, but I find clothes on animals--what's the word? Oh, yeah. Disturbing.

The park was full of families complete with children playing catch or jumping rope. As crowded as it was, a game of frisbee would have been entertaining to watch. Stupid common sense.

Later we saw a tree with pieces of paper tied around the branches. Across the way was a place to buy fortunes. We were trying to figure out what the tree had to do with anything, so we asked two participants if they spoke English. They didn't, but tried to translate anyway. One of them looked at the paper and made a sad face, then pointed to the tree. He then looked at it and made a convincing "I won! I won!" face, followed by putting the paper in his pocket. We thanked him for the translation, then continued our sightseeing.

We walked around the forest area where various picnics and a wedding photoshoot were taking place. One of the former included a large guy with a tiny and continuous giggle. We kept as straight faces as we could, and watched a bit of the latter. The couple were white and wearing Converse. I only mention it because Converse and wearing sneakers for formal occasions are two of my favorite things. Just keeping it real.

Back in the city, we found a Ferriss Wheel, rode it, drank more coffee, hunted in vain for Engrish, then made our way home to rest.

Meanwhile, Back in the Present

2009-04-12T23:58:00.000-07:00

I'll write more on Japan later. In the meantime, a kidnapped captain was rescued from pirates by Navy Seals.

That's great news, but I was hoping it would be ninjas. That would have settled a life-long debate.

Sorry, nerds.

Japan Trip Part 1

2009-04-10T00:40:00.000-07:00

We arrived at Incheon airport early enough to grab some breakfast and find a couple of Japanese people worth harassing. We asked for the names of good food there, and they taught us a few. The couple that I remember sounded like "taco yucky" and "economy yucky." I'm not sure about that first one, but the second has a point.

Later, we got on the plane and I faced the usual conundrum when travelling to another country. What language should I use? I settled on "mumble" as I entered and later exited the plane. I'm fluent in "mumble".

We arrived at Osaka and enjoyed Starbucks for a total price of $9 for Beka and I. American Starbucks is cheaper than you think. We would later learn that in Japan, this was a good deal.

We found our shuttle, loaded up, and headed toward our hotel. As we arrived, a helpful recording reminded us to "please enjoy that you bring your belonging with you." I tried to look happier as I grabbed the camera and my backpack. I think the thought of not losing my stuff helped a bit.

We loaded our stuff in our room, enjoyed the view out our windows for a while, then headed down the skywalk that connected to a ginormous mall. It connected to a lot of places, but the mall was where we were going.

On the way to the mall, we met an actual guitar hero. He had a guitar and he's my hero. Well, not exactly my hero. But he sang quite well. I'll pretend he did something cool on the side like fight crime. Then he can be my hero.

We shopped a bit in the mall, searched in vain for things written in Engrish, then found a place to eat. The waiter didn't speak English, but he had an English menu for us. Somehow I ordered the wrong thing. They also had a Korean menu. Maybe I should have used that.

In my defense, I was weak from hunger.

Where Was I?

2009-04-08T06:36:00.000-07:00

I had one one those rare weeks where I wasn't writing much because we were out doing stuff. Sorry about that. Won't happen again, I promise.

We went to Osaka with another couple for a few days. It was fun, and a lot less touristy than we were expecting, which added to the fun. The whole story is on its way, but since we just got back and I'm tired (okay,lazy) I'll start at the end with lasting impressions.

Lasting Impressions

I might get in trouble for saying this,living in Korea and all, but I like Japan. I guess I could play the dumb foreigner card and say I didn't know I'm supposed to hate Japan. That would work if I didn't just say "I might get in trouble for saying this." Do'h!

Osaka was industrial, but spread out and clean. Kyoto was busier population wise, but also fairly clean. Everyone smoked indoors (including us, it was a rule {I'm joking,Mom}). Our hotel room was nice, but it smelled like smoke. Still, I was amazed at the tiny number of cigarette butts I saw on the streets. I could count them on one hand.

Actually, the same goes for trash in general. Even in non-tourist areas, litter was minimal. I was surprised and delighted to actually see trash cans in public places.

Japan was expensive, but we found some better deals than we expected.

Communication was tricky at times, since Osaka and Kyoto were less tourist-ish than we had expected. Many people didn't speak English, which made communication fun. We were surprised by the flexibility and diversity of non-Japanese residents who would carry on a conversation with us and switch to Japanese when talking to someone else. Good for them. We're so lame.

More to come. Eventually.

Speaking of Failed Jokes...

2009-04-02T21:07:00.000-07:00

What happens if you make up a product that sounds terrible as an April Fool's joke, but it turns out people actually want it?

Suck up to George Lucas.

http://www.thinkgeek.com/stuff/41/tauntaun.html