DC!

We had the opportunity to see some of what there is to see in the US capital. We had frequent flier miles lying around so we decided to cram a six hour drive into an all-day flight. It was a bit of a huge circle, but not bad for $20.

We crammed into a couple of planes for Oompa Loompas by Oompa Lompas. Fortunately, I've lived in Korea for five years and am therefore accustomed to the art of ducking. Otherwise I'm sure the number of head bumps would have exceeded two.

Five more words about the flight and I'm done. Two delays. Worst turbulance ever.

We arrived at Beka's aunt and uncle's house that afternoon. Her aunt handed us subway cards as we watched the news about the subway crash earlier that day. Amazingly enough, we were able to use the subway that week without delays. We kept hearing about delays, but I guess we just missed them.

So, what did we see? Roosevelt and Lincoln Memorials, Viet Nam Memorial, American History Museum (highlights include George Washington in a toga, Loony Tunes drawing cells, and Kermit), two art galleries and a portrait museum. We went to the zoo to not see the pandas and were successful in our goal. We went to Mount Vernon and saw Washington's stomping grounds and a guy who looks like Hurley from Lost. All said, it was a full week.

What did I learn? It's hard to say. I saw a picture in the American History museum of a cartoon showing the North and South's opinion of Lincoln after his famous speech. The South saw him as a war monger and the North saw him as too peaceful. When I see portraits or sculptures of famous political figures, are they really heroes? The frustration is, it depends on who you talk to.

Five Stories Done, Five to Go

My goal is half done. Harrass me. Please.

Please Take Us to the Zoo

I went to the zoo with some friends, so I had the title stuck in my head a good part of the day. It's part of a script for a listening and speaking test I give fairly often. I figured if I have to endure that phrase repeatedly, I might as well entertain myself with it, and I don't do remixes. I lack the rhythm and musical ability.

Okay, the story. I saw a little guy with a Pokemon balloon and as is the routine I made funny faces. As is the routine for Korean children, he stared at the strange white man.

I walked up to him and softly punched the balloon.

He stepped slowly back, then ran downhill to find mom.

The Korean college students with us laughed and said, "Omah (Mom)!"

International incident, here I come.

Good Old Irony

Our school had the elementary awards ceremony, and specials went first. I'm kind of elementary and specials yet at the same time I'm neither. I like to call myself the Victor Nvorsky of our school, the man without a country. Anyway, I was giving awards, yada yada.

I handed out the "Most Improved Reading and Writing" award to one of the first graders in my class. He proudly strolled to the front of the cafeteria, accepted his award, then stood on the platform, looked at the award and said "I don't know what this means."

I tried to take it back, but he didn't let me.

Recent Happenings

Between work, the end (of this school year) being nigh, and the sudden inspiration to write a short story per week (I finished three) I haven't felt the urge to blog as frequently as usual. It could be worse--I could have a life or something and not have time to work at all.

As another reminder that I am in fact alive and capable of more than the occassional copy and paste, here's a brief update on highlights of recent goings on.

1. Friday was field day. I roasted in the sun along with other teachers and elementary students. In the afternoon, everyone but me got wet. I joined a game of "Rain Rain Flood" and sat down, ready to get splashed. The game ended soon after I sat down, leaving me dry.

My stingyness at my game station left me with a surplus of water balloons at the end of the day. Several students grabbed balloons and proceeded to use them. One eyed me mischievously, so I pointed to my chest, encouraging a shot. The child threw the baloon, hitting me point blank in the chest. It bounced, and landed at the kid's feet before exploding. So much for cooling off.

2. Saturday was graduation. As an update on a former post,no poop was mentioned or implied. I can't say I'm not a little disappointed, but I'll live.

Congrats to the class of 2009.

Before I sign off, I'll ramble a bit more. If you know me, please bug me about finishing short stories. My goal is to finish ten by the end of the summer, and to finish at least one more by the end of this week. Bug me, please. Unless I don't know you, of course. Then I'd demand, "Who are you?"

More Stuff I didn't Write

I'm actually posting a funny article that isn't from the Onion. I don't know why, but sometimes these things just happen. It's from on online magazine called McSweeney's, and yeah, I had to share. Enjoy.


SENTENCES THAT,
IF USED BY JUDGES
IN A SPELLING BEE,
WOULD PROVE
TOTALLY UNHELPFUL
TO CONTESTANTS
ATTEMPTING TO DERIVE
THE MEANING OF
THE WORD.
BY JACK SCHNEIDER AND MOSES RIFKIN

- - - -

"The spelling-bee contestant did not know how to spell the word ______."

"The word you have been asked to spell is ______."

"______-______-bo-______-bananna-fanna-fo-______-fee-fy-fo-______. ______!"

"My third favorite word is ______."

"Cinderella, wanting desperately to attend the ball, wished for her fairy godmother to grant her a wish. Her fairy godmother appeared and granted the wish, noting, however, that Cinderella would only be transformed until midnight. If you had a fairy godmother right now, you would probably wish for her to help you spell ______, even if it meant that you would only know how to spell that word until midnight."

"After correctly spelling ______, the contestant went back to getting teased by his/her classmates."

"______ is a word you will never hear outside these halls."

"Ten years from now you will run into someone on the street who, having watched the spelling bee on ESPN2, and thinking he/she is an expert on matters with which he/she clearly is not familiar, will smile, approach you warmly, and say, 'Hey, can you spell ______ now???'"

Favorite Quotes

I'm not sure if anyone ever reads them old quotes on facebook, but I was recently thinking back on some of my favorite and decided to share. Enjoy.


It's not polite to speak when...no one wants to hear what you have to say. (from How to Be Good)

Anyone who speaks German can't be bad (random juror in the Simpsons)

It doesn't bother me in the least to deliberate whether the beating was disgraceful or not, but the blows, which will remain as deeply impressed in my memory as they are on my back, really hurt. (Sancho Panza in Don Quixote)

This is the worst kind of discrimination. The kind against me! (Bender the robot in Futurama)

All you care about is my soul. (some kid who attended a youth group one time)

Who needs courage when you have a gun? (Professor Farnsworth in Futurama)

Record company executive: Many of your fans are Christians. They don't want you singing to murderers and rapists to cheer them up.

Johnny Cash: I guess they're not real Christians then.
(Walk the Line)

The teachers taught me that life was all about survival of the fittest, but when I stole stuff from the stockroom they threw me out.
(Sprog)

I find your ideas interesting and would like to subscribe to your newsletter. (Homer J. Simpson)

I don't want to survive. I want to live! (from Wall E)

God made us for Himself--this is the only explanation that satisfies the heart of a thinking man, whatever his wild reason may say. (AW Tozer)

That crazy old man in church was right! (Grandpa Simpson, unwittingly referring to himself)

Yes, it's gotten so bad that Americans are actually reading. (Steve Colbert, from the Colbert Report)

Religious Etiquette.
If you're at a social function and a benediction is said and the God invoked is not your own, it's a good idea to mutter, roll your eyes, and smirk, so your God will know that you're not taken in by some false God. (Dan Liebert, verbal cartoonist)

i prefer the name h1n1. it sounds like disease bingo (Steven Colbert)

Lying in the darkness, he knew he was an outcast. "'Cos I had some sense." (Lord of the Flies)

Did you ever think those hippos weren't hungry and we were just force feeding them? (The Sneeze)