Best Failed April Fool's Jokes

I've always appreciated April Fool's Day ever since I first looked up its origin in the Big Book of Answers. Yes, kids, there was a world before Google. April 1st became a day to mock those who refused to buy new calendars. These cheapskates continued to celebrate New Year's in April. Idiots. Everyone knows it's January 1st/sometime between January and February depending on the year. Duh.

In light of the occasion, I decided to share some of my finest moments at failed attempts to be on the winning end of practical jokes. Don't worry, there was no emotional scarring involved, but if that makes it funnier for you, you can pretend there was.

In no particular order:

1. That time in elementary school I tried to saran wrap a toilet seat. Hey, it worked, in a way. Those poor fools couldn't lift the lid, and they had to fumble with saran wrap. So ha, kind of.
2. This morning at school when I announced a bogus date to the entire school for morning announcements. No one listens to announcements! Burn!
3. Once, I planned the perfect practical joke, completely foolproof. I taped over a cassette and left it on my desk, hoping a teacher in our small Christian school would confiscate it. They had a problem with students bringing in rock tapes at the time. Wow. this story is already funnier than I thought it would be. Anyway, the bait was set.

The day went by, and the tape remained ignored. Finally, I took desperate measures. I handed the tape to some friends and told them to pretend to rat me out. They obliged, and I did my best to pretend to be mad. Of course, keeping with my role of the kid in big trouble, I stayed out of the way after that.

Some teachers fumbled with a sound system, got it plugged in, and played the tape. At the very beginning, before 30 minutes of dead air, they could distinctly hear the words "Gotcha!"

It was successful and quite fun to watch. Or so I've been told. I missed the whole thing.

Fun with Action Figures

Who would win in a fight? Now we know, sort of.

This Post Was Meant to Be

According to Time magazine, Calvinism is among the trends rising in culture these days. A better person than me argued in another blog how this could be a bad thing. In short, it promotes elitism, and I don't see that as part of God's nature.

I believe God is in control. I also believe we have free will. The mystery is both are true. Where one begins and the other ends only He knows.

To be honest, I'm glad this debate is popular again. I can talk about time travel movies, a favorite topic, and not be outdated. I hate being outdated. The point is, time travel movies have quite a bit to say about predestination.

Most time travel stories are about free will. Minority Report, Back to the Future,Deja Vu, and the list goes on. The message is usually we can change history. We have choices.

On the other hand, you have Twelve Monkeys and the Time Machine. You can't change what's already happened, and there's little if any hope for the future for that matter. Not the best idea for a date movie, by the way.

One thing that keeps me watching Lost is the endless debate between the two. You have characters saying nothing can change, and then something happens seeming to contradict that statement. It keeps the brain working while stuff blows up.

The truth is, if authors are strict Calvinists, their writing will suck. Good storytelling is about conflict, resolution, and choice. The tension between choice and plan, well that keeps it interesting.

Youth Gone Wild

Movies worth anticipating! And if that's any reflection on the actual soundtrack, I'm impressed.

The Power of the Written Wordle

I found out about a site called wordle.net. You can submit any writing and it will create a word cloud arranged by frequent use of words. The biggest are the ones used most frequently and so forth. So, just for giggles, I entered in this blog address. I can't say I'm too shocked, to be honest. Enjoy.



title="Wordle: Randomness and..."> src="http://www.wordle.net/thumb/wrdl/687627/Randomness_and..."
alt="Wordle: Randomness and..."
style="padding:4px;border:1px solid #ddd">

Fun with Science Fiction

Update on Checklist

I blogged and whined back in January about burdens I had no ability of acting on. Fair trade coffee served as an example.

Several years ago I felt a desire to see India. One year later, I went to Thailand. I guess I was a little off, but my internal compass has always been iffy at best.

Last year I went to India. I was supposed to go, but the desire was ahead of me.

All that to say, Emart has fair trade coffee. It also has a huge coffee grinder if you want to buy beans and don't have a grinder at home. Consequently,the coffee aisle smells wonderful.

I know there's a pattern to and reason for this, but it's not mine. Thank God.

Stuff I've Learned from Books

I like to read. And as I stated before, I never go into it thinking "Hey, I need to learn something about _________ so I'll give myself homework". I read what interests me, and usually story telling wins. Even then, I end up underlining like crazy. Then I promptly finish the book, put it on the shelf, and forget about it, underlines and all.

In this case I wanted to rehash some lessons I've learned from pleasure reading. It helps to write stuff down. Sure, I'll forget it after I finish this post, but it will look good, won't it?

1. Honesty and cynicism are not the same thing. Ethics was a great read which happened to be an unfinished book. Towards the end Boenhoeffer reflects on integrity and honesty as they pertain to the Christian. He kicked my butt with this truth, then I turned the page and...that's all there was, folks. But for now, that's all I need.
2. People have no idea what Christians are for, but a perfect understanding of what they are against. I read a deliberately offensive short story about a deliberately offensive painting a woman made just to piss people off. It worked, and she set up an exhibit showing videos of their outrage. The exhibit was called "Intolerance." The whole idea was shown as ridiculous, but there is a point in there. Why are we always seen as the negative ones? Is that how it's supposed to be?
3. There will always be a tension between good and Good. I struggled for a while when I saw people who don't believe in God do a lot to practically help others. Then, I read The Road (an Oprah book club member, ironically enough) and Watchmen.
Both show us an imperfect (The Road) and flawed (Watchmen) system of good. The problem is, humanism doesn't allow for sacrifice. Even if it does, human nature doesn't. On some level, we'll still look out for number one. For some these books can be depressing, but for me it served as a great reminder and a compass pointing back to my moral Compass.

I'll share more as they come, but that's good for starters. And there's always movies.

Muppets and Fat Guys

Oh, look. I found another smile.

Warning: there is an off-color reference at the 140-141 minute mark.

Technology and You

In case you haven't heard already, lasers are being designed to kill mosquitoes. It's been determined that with all due respect, the little whiners don't serve any purpose other than sucking blood and spreading disease. So they're on the hit list.

Some teachers here decided it won't work on Korean mosquitoes. They're thriving in the winter somehow.The mosquitoes, that is. Not the teachers. If laws of nature don't work on them, what will?

One of our teachers works on robots. If we can make one to smack the mosquitoes for us, we'll be all set.

But I Can't Swim!

I recently finished another excellent short story from the book I was reading. "After I Fell into the River and Before I Drowned" gives a first person perspective of a dog. He races with other dogs not to win, but so they can run faster together. Others don't share his opinion.

One of my favorite moments came from his observation of human conversation. He could listen, but stopped a long time ago when he decided they say nothing. Later, he decides they are angry because of what they don't know.

Smart dog. Too bad, well, read the bloody title.

The Department of Nothing

I'm reading a book of short stories selected by Nick Hornby and enjoying most of them thoroughly. The best ones have all the fullness and depth of a novel, or more than many. That's what good writing's all about.

One of the stories is by Colin Firth. Say it with me Back to the Future fans--the actor? Yep, it's actually him. And as it turns out, his writing is better than his acting. Seriously, who has a favorite Colin Firth movie? Prove me wrong.

The title of Colin Firth's story is "The Department of Nothing". It involves storytelling, drudgery and family, in that order. A young man remembers his grandmother's epic fantasy story and how only the continuation of it redeems the rest of his life, the tile's Department. His only wish is for the story to continue.

This image resonates with me, as that's how I feel right now. I'm in the middle of a story, and that's where it got cut off.* I feel worse for the people I can't see, because the conditions they are in are worse than my puny unfinished story. But for me, it just feels anticlimactic. And that's just frustrating.

I was ready to go, to serve, and got cut off in mid sentence. I keep coming back to this place, and it may not offer much consolation to most but it works for me. I think sometimes we are supposed to feel helpless.

Many pray, and I thank them for it. But please join me in my helplessness. Pray for India.

* The mission's trip I mentioned a couple of posts back isn't happening because the area's not safe.

Great Music Video

Four words: Space Invaders is real. Apparently.

Okay, five.

Fun with Current Events

It's been a rough week already (Is it Tuesday? I think it's Tuesday) so I need some extra laughs. Fortunately, BBC news was kind enough to serve some comic relief.

A headline stated that a chimp planned to throw rocks at people visiting a Swedish zoo. They found rocks in his cage and decided he planned on throwing them. Several thoughts:

1.The report says he hid the stones with the intent to throw and it shows that he was planning ahead. So he's really smart, right? Personally, I think he was trying to store food.
2.There are worse things to throw. At least if you dodge a rock you won't still get pebbles on you and smell like rock all day.
3. Who investigated the crime? Did they use human detectives, or do they train animals to do that?
4. When was it planning to throw the rocks? On the anniversary of Planet of the Apes' release? I'll bet it was. Mark my words.

Who Will Watch this Cartoon?

If you've ever watched super hero cartoons in the '80s and read the graphic novel Watchmen,this is for you. I especially enjoy the "friend to animals" line.

Some Good Thoughts

This is a response to the previous post, so if you didn't read that yet this won't make a whole lot of sense. Some non believer read through the Bible,yada yada, he wrote a book about it. I didn't read the book, so I'm responding to the article he wrote.

Some thoughts:

1. He enjoyed reading the Bible. He called himself a "Bible-thumper" and decided everyone should read it. He didn't whine about how hard it is to concentrate on it or to find time to read it, or how boring it can be. He appreciated it.

In Average Joe(Joe could be short for Josephine)Christian's defense, we could say the Bible was easier for him because he wasn't trying to apply it to his life. I concluded that's a cop out. I enjoy good literature (fiction and non) on its own merits, not because I'm trying to learn something from it. But I do learn, and the fact that I like what I'm reading has a lot to do with it. I get absorbed into good writing, and usually research more about it because I want to. I think we've forgotten how to really read.

2. His reading didn't affect his beliefs. I'm not surprised, as reading any book, even the Scriptures, doesn't have power alone. Only the Holy Spirit can give understanding.

3. His reading made him angry in places. He acknowledged questions about God's nature are easier to answer in the person of Christ. But, he mentions, he can't believe in Christ.

There's quite a bit more to mention, but I'm still processing it. Why are you asking me to type out half-thoughts? Shame.

Good Reading

What do you get when an agnostic reads through the Bible? Some interesting thoughts.

http://www.slate.com/id/2212616/

Fun with Editing

Our mission's team is working on a skit we're going to do for the India trip. We tried it out and agreed that it's good, just too long. As I'm trying to cut it by about half, I'm reminded of these guys.



Also, I love how 30 seconds now translates to 1 minute. Time zones must be involved somehow.

Fun with Paperwork

I was helping students fill out some forms to get our India visas for the spring break missions trip. One student said to the other, "Don't read the Korean instructions. It's confusing. Read the English."

As someone who wants to learn the Korean language, I find that a bit discouraging.