More Middle School Gold

So, I'm handing out a five page test. The conversation proceeds as follows.

Me: Does everyone have five pages?

(Crickets)

Me: Count your pages. Does everyone have five?

Student: Are we supposed to have five?

Me: Yes. Are you missing one?

Student: No. I have five.

Wondering why my students imagine me randomly concocting numbers in my head for no reason, I recalled some more quotable goodness.

Me(deadpan): Since you didn't finish your tests by the end of class, you all get zeros. (brief pause) just kidding. Turn them in, and we'll finish them next week (to everyone's credit, they were loooong tests)

Student (laughing): I thought you were serious!

Me: You really thought I was going to randomly punish you with a zero?

All: Yes.

So flattering.

Writing about Writing (and other snoozefests)

So, I submitted two of my short stories to a literary magazine for consideration a while back. Now, the waiting game begins.

Meanwhile*, I got the inspiration to start writing some essays as well. It's kind of a cross between this and my other blog in tone, only (hopefully) more carefully revised. I know it's hard to imagine that, but it's possible. This is me humble.

It's funny how strong a role music plays in the whole thing. I was listening to my iPod on shuffle, and as long as something like BNL was playing, I didn't feel much like writing. Bob Dylan started the next song, and I was starting to feel inspired. Beck came in on the next song, and I was ready to go. Which reminds me, I gotta go write something.

Later.

*I like using "meanwhile" as a common expression. It reminds me of Super Friends, which is no small sense of comfort to any true child of the 80s.

Okay, I Had to Share This

I'm still here. You know, FYI. Anyway, I had to share this. Enjoy.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/michael_j_fox_reluctantly?utm_source=onion_rss_daily

A Current Life in Song

It's already turning out to be an interesting year. At present, I'm not really sure how much is appropriate to say. However, I can say my iPod started talking to me. And you thought I was exagerating when I mentioned Don Quixote. Seriously, though, certain songs have expressed a lot of how this year feels so far.

The good, bad, and ugly are all here, in music form.

1. "Lovers in a Dangerous Time", BNL. "You gotta kick it to darkness 'til it bleeds daylight." That feels about right. http://www.lyrics.com/lyrics/barenaked-ladies/lovers-in-a-dangerous-time.html

2. "Heroes", David Bowie. This is cheating, because it's not on my iPod. However, there's something to a song about a couple being heroic simply by refusing to break up "just for one day", and it won't leave me alone. As it shouldn't. http://www.lyrics.com/lyrics/david-bowie/heroes.html

3. "Hang", Matchbox 20. I have no further comment at this time. Let's just say it hasn't changed anything at present decision-wise. Okay, now there's no comment. http://www.lyrics.com/lyrics/matchbox-twenty/hang.html

4. "What a Good Boy", BNL. The theme of this song, unrealistic human expectations put on people before they're even born, helps me emphatically (as a teacher) and personally in those weak moments when I forget it's not about what we as people want or expect. We dupe ourselves when we let people convince us to bear the wrong cross.(lyrics unavailable)

5. "Help Me", Johnny Cash. "God's Gonna Cut You Down" may be one of my all-time favorite Cash covers, especially when I'm in an imprecatory mood. This one, however turns out to be the right salve at the right time. http://www.lyrics.com/lyrics/johnny-cash/help-me-live.html

6. "Rusty Cage", Johnny Cash. Cash had the best covers, and this song also speaks to me at the right times. http://www.lyrics.com/lyrics/johnny-cash/rusty-cage.html

7."Welcome to the Black Parade," My Chemical Romance. These lyrics cover the spectrum of aformentioned human expecation-induced pressure. For the process back toward "only One expectation matters", this suffices. http://www.lyrics.com/lyrics/my-chemical-romance/welcome-to-the-black-parade.html

8. "Look for Me Baby", Fiction Family. This is too fun and cheeky not to produce a needed smile.

9.And sometimes you just need an unapolagetically fun love song to remind you what's what. http://www.lyrics.com/lyrics/barry-louis-polisar/all-i-want-is-you.html

10.Try two. http://www.lyrics.com/lyrics/the-moldy-peaches/anyone-else-but-you.html

Don Quixote tidbits

To be honest, I don't know if I'll ever finish reading Don Quixote. Somewhere just shy of the halfway point I got lost in long monologues from secondary and secondary to the secondary characters. I know Cervantes was inventing the novel, but someone should have invented a #(@*&#&$^ editor. At least then, I'd be able to review the dang thing.

All things being equal, I've found a lot to appreciate and admire in this novel so far. I recently looked through the underlined parts and found myself laughing a bit. It's worth a read, from time to time.

As a quick synopsis, Don Quixote is a wealthy nobleman who reads too many romances and decides he must be a knight. He invents a lady to fight for whom we never see. In one of my favorite parts, he constructs a helmet, tests it and in so doing reduces it to a few pieces. He quickly constructs a second one and decides it's okay without testing it.

This is the danger, especially when I'm juggling too much at once. I don't have time for tests, so why can't I just be certain of my own certainty?* At no other time does ignoring reality seem so tempting.

Is there a time to stop testing and turn in faith? Of course, but I'm convinced cardboard helmets don't count. God gave us brains for a reason, and attacking windmills with swords was definitely not one of them.

Yeah. That part was funny, too.

*The movie "Doubt" touches on this theme as well. I'm still thinking about it, so I'd say it's an effective film.

OK random video

So, the topic of online "churches" renewed my interest in Radiohead's OK Computer, a CD about technology's tendencies to contribute to inhumanity. It's an interesting topic, but this post has nothing to do with that.

I looked up Radiohead-related videos on youtube and came across this completely by accident. I don't know if I would have done exactly what this guy did ("Climbing up the Walls"? What was he thinking?) but the results are worth seeing. Enjoy.

Fun with Identity Crises

The other day in one of my middle school classes I decided to spice things up by mistaking an r sound and an l sound. Some would say I made a mistake, and they would be telling the truth, but they're liing, I tell you. Whatever the case, after my slip-up, I caught myself and said "I lived here too long."

To my surprise, a few students started laughing.

You've Got to be Kidding Me

I(laughing)have(laughing)no(laughing)words.

http://eternal-earthbound-pets.com/Home_Page.html